Today’s dating tips are intended to help you know when you have found the right one. Suppose that Megan is 40 and has been dating Michael for a year now and is thinking about whether he is the one for her. She might want to be hitched with a family and is. My recommendation is that in the event that she isn’t certain, then it is wrong. This is the reason. Of the couples I have talked with, they communicated having these signs about their mates they married:

1. There is a feeling of “home”
   There is a sense of comfort and a familiarity. The word recognition comes up as knowing that this person is the one. It’s like you have known the person your whole life. It’s so easy to talk to one another.
2. There is a Flow
   The relationship has ease. The couples finish each other’s sentences. Time just flies when you are with the right person. Yes, relationships take work, but this is joyous work. The concept of flow is true for both in and out of the bedroom!
3. You are able to laugh together and have fun
   You enjoy being with each other and get each other’s jokes. You may not have exactly the same humor, but you at least crack a smile. My husband and I both blew straw wrappings at each other like kids! It’s okay to be silly with this person. The couple has fun doing activities together and shares similar interests.
4. You are each other’s best friend
   There is a sense of trust and loyalty. You know your partner will be there for you through thick and thin and can be counted on. You want to share everything with this person- the good and the bad stuff. You are always excited to see that person walk in the door.
5. You both act in a “we” way rather than a “me” way
   The couple makes decisions that benefit the relationship instead of only the individual. You share life goals and work together towards them. You care about how your actions affect the other.

When all these signs are in place, then it is natural to want to take the next step towards marriage. The only relationship issues that would stop the progress would be one or both listening to their internal fears and various external circumstances beyond their control like a sick parent or their work travel.

When she realized that several of these signs were missing in her current relationship, she became clear that there were critical relationship issues between her and Barry. Only then did she decide to move on and find someone better suited to her rather than hoping that things would change in her present situation. This wasn’t the easy path, but she was determined not to settle for anything less.

As always, my advice is to seek the advice of a relationship coach if you continue to have hesitation or other relationship questions.

Wishing you the best in your search for the right one!

Stop the Hate Self-Talk    

Regardless of our weight, size or shape, we as a whole battle with body issues. For some ladies, having body-related hang-ups just is by all accounts part of being female. Obviously, numerous men battle with insecurities, as well. Be that as it may, rather than going down the way of pessimism, there are some simple approaches to get yourself out of a funk with regards to your physical structure. At the point when the not really pleasant self-talk begins in your mind, attempt the accompanying five tips, discover body energy in a blaze, and feel more beautiful.

1. Put Down the Fashion Magazine
   Flipping through the pages of your favorite monthly, you may find yourself feeling less inspired and more downhearted. Image after image of Photoshopped, airbrushed models will do that to you. If you find that you feel worse about yourself while reading a magazine, or even watching a TV show, recognize what’s happening and go do something else: Take a walk outside, curl up with a good book and a cup of tea, go pet your dog, call a friend—anything! Seeing unrealistic images of women tends to mess with our minds. Even though we know the images have been manipulated, our brains still think those waifish forms are still attainable.
2. Only Wear Clothing That Makes You Feel Fabulous
   As you get dressed in the morning, notice how your outfits make you feel. If you put something on and instantly that negative self-talk loop starts running in your mind, it’s time to change clothes. In fact, you may want to set aside a couple of hours trying on every item of clothing you own and donating anything that doesn’t fit right, seems outdated or just doesn’t make you feel awesome about yourself. While it may seem like you’re giving away too much, life is too short to wear clothing that makes you feel worse about yourself.
3. Be Nice to Yourself
   Give yourself a break. If you find that your body negativity is really creeping into your thoughts, banish that mean voice with an affirmation that will lift you up. To prepare for these moments, make a list of all the things you love about yourself, and tape it to your bathroom mirror if you have to! When those negative thoughts pop into your mind, return to that list and remember all the wonderful things you are and have to offer and you’ll feel more beautiful.
4. Opt Out of Body Bashing Conversations
   When you’re out with your friends, you may hear others making comments about their bodies—how fat they look, or feel, what body parts they hate and so on. While it’s tempting to find camaraderie in these conversations by chiming it about your own insecurities, don’t. There’s no need to fuel the fires of negativity. Instead, compliment your friends on what you love about them and change the subject. Help them feel more beautiful! There’s no reason for you to bring each other down. Instead, lift others up and they will learn do the same.
5. Treat Yourself
   Every so often, give your body the gift of pampering, which will make you love and appreciate yourself more. Get your nails done, go for a facial or massage and have your hair cut regularly. Maintaining yourself with beauty treatments will indeed make you feel more beautiful.

Spirit recently revealed to me the power of pain and the importance of forgiveness to me in a way I had never quite thought of before. For me pain is a natural process of the human experience that is impossible to avoid. It is a way of letting us know that something is not right with our situation.

This is true for our physical body, as well as our emotional body. The difference between the two is that physical pain is often more easily recognized, and the appropriate steps to relieve and even to heal the pain can be taken when it is recognized. Emotional pain, however, is more often left unrecognized, or the messages that are being sent are pushed aside.

Both men and women are taught to suppress their pain. Traditional adages like, “boys don’t cry,” or “keep a stiff upper lip,” are reflections of emotional ignorance. We now also live in a society where we are being medicated for emotional issues at rapidly increasing rates, which only adds to the ignorance of our emotional state.

I want to make one thing clear here: I am not opposed to psychiatric medications that can help with illnesses like depression or bipolar disorder. Anyone who experiences serious psychiatric or emotional issues should seek guidance from a medical practitioner suitable for their situation. That being said, the message that Spirit gave me about pain and forgiveness will stick with me for some time.

Emotional and physical pain are similar in that they are trying to tell us something. The example Spirit used was cooking on a hot stove and reaching out and grabbing a scalding pan. If everything is functioning properly in the body, a pain signal will be put out that says, “Put the pan down!” And the appropriate response would then be to set the pan back down on the stove (or throw it across the room, depending on who is cooking!)

Emotional pain is often also telling us to set something down and let it go – whether it is emotional pain from our childhood, a relationship, or related to negative things that we have done in our lives. The pain will not truly cease until we are able to let that experience go completely. This is what forgiveness does for us. Forgiveness is the cure. The only way that we are able to be free, is if we set free the people in our lives that have caused us pain.

Sometimes emotional pain is associated with experiences we are currently having, such as a challenging or dysfunctional relationship. The only way to be free is to release it in love, which can sometimes mean a change in circumstances as well.

The most important thing to free ourselves from is any sense of regret about our past. Regret holds us back and keeps us from accomplishing our highest purpose. Whatever we have done in the past, to ourselves or to others, we must let it go. Put the pan down.

The symbolism of the pan and the burned hand goes even further.  If you catch the painful experience soon enough, the burn may not have been very deep. The same is true the other way. If you hold on to the pan for too long, you may end up with a severe burn! If the pan was extremely hot, even an instant touch will create a burn that needs time to heal. The same is true with emotional release.

Sometimes people are afraid to let go of people or circumstances (past or present)simply because they are afraid it will hurt them more. We become afraid of creating boundaries in our relationships, because it may mean that the dynamic of the relationship will change. Maybe that person will not love us anymore. However, if we are feeling pain at the moment the easiest time for us to deal with that pain is right now, instead of holding on for too long.

I always recommend that my clients ask God and the angels for help and guidance when it comes to creating boundaries in their situation. Our society is very prone to reactive boundaries, meaning that we only react when things become severe. Relationships can sometimes have very dramatic and sometimes frightening endings when resentment (pain) is build up over long periods of time. There is always support available for those who ask, and asking God and the angels will activate a power within you to create more living and purposeful experiences.

The final message from Spirit’s forgiveness ‘cooking show’ was this, “Just because you set the pan down, doesn’t mean you have to stop cooking. Even if the injury is severe and needs additional treatment, it doesn’t mean that you are going to stop cooking and eating.” This is true on so many levels.

Just because we need to sit down a hot pan today, it doesn’t mean that we are never going to cook or eat again. Releasing and healing is a part of our journey, and it allows us to be truly free to have a more dynamic human experience. It is a part of the process of love that is growing in each human being on the planet. And for a planet that is so thirsty for love, it is the first step in experiencing it for ourselves.

Keep cooking, keep eating, and keep on loving.

Exploring through any relationship takes strength, wisdom, patience and affection, in addition to other things. As people, we normally look to everyone around us for exhortation, viewpoint and information. While seeing different connections outside of our own can offer some understanding into our own, it is regularly harming to compare your relationship with those of different couples.

The-grass-is-always-greener viewpoint is often irrelevant, since you don’t have all the facts required to properly assess the relationship. Here are a few reasons why comparing your relationship to others can be ineffective at best and destructive at worst.

Behind Closed Doors

The problem with comparing yourself to other people is that you never have all of the information. You’re making assumptions based only on part of the facts, but the reality is that unless you’re in the relationship, you’ll never fully grasp its delicate dynamic. This truth, coupled with the fact that people tend to present their best face to the public, exemplifies why your comparisons cannot be based in complete accuracy. You then judge the quality of your relationship by something which essentially doesn’t exist.

No Two Relationships Are Alike

As relationships are comprised of two unique individuals, bringing different life experiences to the relationship, no two couples are alike. To judge the quality of your relationship on whether the two of you have the same dynamic as other couples is a waste of time. No one can tell you how your relationship should be, especially since what works for some people definitely doesn’t work for others. All you need to be sure of is if the two of you work, with your individual and distinct personalities that make your relationship uniquely yours.

Keeping the Focus Outside of the Relationship

By constantly comparing your relationship to others, you are cheating yourselves out of time and energy better spent focusing on the two of you. Considering the amount of effort and work that goes into a relationship, busying yourself worrying about others will only take away from what you as a couple have. Don’t worry so much about what the neighbors are doing; instead work on strengthening the bond between the two of you.

While it is easy to fall into comparing ourselves to others, it rarely benefits us unless other lifestyles inspire us. In this sense, it’s good to appreciate what others have worked hard to achieve—and to use that as inspiration—as we work towards our own relationship goals. But use your wisdom in assessing the quality of your relationship, and appreciate the uniqueness that the two of you bring into the partnership. It’s good to remember the flipside of the adage “The grass is always greener”, ”You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”

Can a man and woman really NOT fall with each other? The answer is both yes and no. So the question is, how can you say that if your friendship is going to remain as it is or will turn into something more?

In the movie When Harry Met Sally, Harry makes it clear that platonic friendships are essentially self-lies where the man at least wants to have sex with the woman. Is that always true?

Well, few things are always true. In the television show Seinfeld, Jerry has one night of sex with Elaine, and they both realize that they are better off as friends. But some platonic friendships last even if there has never been any sex. Here are some ideas to help you sort out your feelings, honesty and platonic relationships.

If you are happy with your life–including your love life, then you can most likely sustain a platonic relationship. Good friendships can offer another point of view and serve as a sounding board for things that bother you. Platonic relationships can add to genuine and meaningful social connections.  Social isolation can impair the immune system.

However, if you are unhappy in love and life, then platonic-oriented relationships may be the first baby step into the love waters. 

If this situation sounds like yours, read these tips.

Be honest with yourself!  Ask:  Why am I in this platonic relationship?  What are my expectations?

Rate your unhappiness in your relationship. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 the highest degree of unhappiness, rate your answer.

Keep a journal of your life for about 2-4 weeks and see what you learn about you and your life. Keep track of how much time you spend with your platonic friend.  What are you taking away from your life and love partner?  How often are you texting or contacting this person in any way, such as late at night connections.

Observe what you and your platonic friend talk about.  Do you have gripe sessions about your current relationships?  Are you sharing lots of things that your partner doesn’t know?

Are you being flirtatious with your platonic friend?  Think about whether you are taking extra time to dress for this person or fantasizing what sex would be like with this person.

If this person were not in your life, what would you be missing? If your answer borders on “I would feel lonely, empty, misunderstood,” then you might need to examine your current intimate relationship to find out what you are not getting from your partner. Include asking yourself how you contribute to this situation. Why do you think the relationship has changed?

Don’t get hasty or stupid by having sex with your friend—and jeopardizing your current relationship. Slow down. Keep a journal to learn more about you. Observe your reactions and interactions for about a month to learn about you and your partner and your unhappiness. Talk to your partner and offer solutions–NOT just complaints. Seek counseling—and stay with it—before you rush a decision or take actions that could be damaging. Never do things that require you to close a door without good cause.

Observe and value your partner’s expressions of jealousy. Listen to your partner’s complaints and observe his or her reactions. What buttons is this platonic relationship pushing in your partner?  Are their grounds for it?  For example, do you and your partner have a history of cheating or separations?

If there is no reason for your partner to be jealous, reassure your partner of your fidelity and love. Tell him or her all the good things about your relationship together. Explain to your partner about your platonic friend and how this person il like your friends of the same sex. Tell him or her how you would miss your platonic friend if he or she were not in your life, but that you would not fall apart or feel empty.

Don’t let your need to be valued because of being a Nurse Nancy to your platonic friend fill your life. If you can’t give up how your platonic friend makes you feel, then you might be robbing your existing relationship of depth and connection. You might also be using platonic emotional tape to bolster your self-esteem. Seek counseling to learn more about your emotional needs and emotional injuries.

Remember the story of the “Beauty and the Beast”? Most of you are probably familiar with this story ever since you were little. If you’re not, then here’s a quick summary: The Beast is mean, mad and controlling and He imprisoned Belle with no justifiable reason. As the story goes on, Belle learns to love him despite his obviously abusive treatment (also called Stockholm Syndrome). Belle manages to see the other side of the Beast. His gentle and more vulnerable side, and she thinks that’s worth saving. She melts his aggrieved heart. It’s her only objective. She has no identity or ideals outside of their relationship.

You Can’t Love Them Enough

Belle manages to love Beast so much that he turns into a handsome prince. The message is, if you love someone enough, you can make them a better person. If they don’t become a better person, it means that you didn’t love them enough. Think you can love someone enough to make them a better person? If you do, you believe a fairy tale!

A Painful Myth

Many women painfully discover this myth after years of giving their whole heart to a partner who is aggressive, controlling and intimidating. But the dream of saving him from his brooding, dark troubles is a fantasy that somehow rationalizes subjecting themselves to poor treatment. What’s worse is that in the midst of all this, some women feel like their men haven’t changed for the better simply because they haven’t loved them enough.

Drawing the Goodness Out

It may be true that everyone has goodness inside them, yet if a woman takes it upon herself to draw that goodness out, she may end up feeling hurt and betrayed. She may be looking for the goodness, but the person she is attempting to draw it out from has no interest in accessing it or living from it unless he can use it to further manipulate his partner.

A Bucket Filled With Holes

You can’t change people and it’s not your responsibility to do so. Sure, you can impact, inspire and support people, but you can’t change them. They have to want to change. If they don’t want to change, you’re simply pouring water into a bucket filled with holes, and that’s unacceptable. You’re better off just walking away.

Compromising Your Dignity and Self-Worth

When you chase that kind of love, you are compromising your identity, dignity and self-worth. A man can’t give you what he doesn’t have. We are all worthy of being treated with respect, love and kindness today (not in some distant future) and certainly not when it’s contingent on someone eventually sorting out their problems. If a man can’t respect you, it is not your responsibility to try and fix him so he will. It’s never your job to just love a man. Instead, be yourself, love yourself and expect that same love and respect from your partner, whatever relationship you’re in.

Setting the Bar too Low

Back to Belle and Beast. Beast doesn’t actually become good. He doesn’t do anything overtly loving and caring for her. He just isn’t as abusive, violent and hostile as he once was. It’s as if not being an opprobrious S.O.B is somehow a really big achievement. Belle sadly sets the bar really low.

Write Your Own Love Story

You have the right to get back what you give. The kind of love that you share, should be shared with you in return. Kissing frogs, transforming beasts into princes and losing your voice for love are all narratives set up for the convenience of men. I have two daughters of my own and I hope that they will write their own love stories—narratives that begin and end on the premise that they are worthy of receiving love just by being themselves.

Do You Really Want Your Cheating Ex Back?

Does he really love her? Is she more attractive and clever than me? Why does she make him happy and I don’t? Is there a little guilt in him for cheating on me? Many women who have been cheated ask these questions. Having an unfaithful partner affects tremendously our feelings and is demoralizing. It creates destruction on our self-esteem.

Stop Blaming Yourselves!

Women tend to blame themselves for being cheated on. What did they do (or not do) that caused their significant other to stray? And they want me to help them win their significant other back. They want to prove that they are the better choice and that the mistress will not be successful in taking their man away. But ladies let me ask you this: What are you actually winning? More heartache? More insecurities? More feelings of unworthiness? More tears? More untrustworthiness?

Believe in two things:

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
You must deal with reality in a logical way.

Determine What You Really Want

It’s time to let go of that cheater and focus on finding a new and better relationship! Grab a pen and piece of paper and write down exactly what you want in a soulmate. Your list may look something like this:

I want someone who is trustworthy.
I want someone who is loyal and faithful.
I want someone who is connected and attentive.
I want someone who makes me an important part of their life.

Love yourself enough to take the time to do this. Read your list aloud and think about the person who has cheated on you. You’ll find they are no match for your soulmate. So when you cry over a cheater, remember that you are not crying over the cheater; you are crying over what they did not give you, which is what you really want (according to your list). Your soulmate is not the person who cheated on you. They cannot and will not fulfill your desires.

Be honest. There was a part of you that knew your cheating partner could not live up to your expectations. The one you really want can’t come to you if your cheating partner is still in the picture, so stop crying over them. They’re just taking up space in your life. Don’t give more time and attention to someone who isn’t worthy of you.

Weeping and Rejoicing

If you’ve been cheated on and you call me, know that I will grieve with you. But I will also rejoice for you because I know that you will learn and heal from this experience. I know that you will choose better next time. I know that the universe is trying to send you what you really want, now that you understand what you really want in a significant other. Take the love and attention you poured into that cheating partner and pour it into yourself instead. Then watch what the universe brings you because you did that!