Do You Hate Your Boyfriend’s Friends?

When you get into a relationship with someone, you also develop relationships with their friends. It can be a little intimidating to meet your boo’s friends, but remember that they’re probably scared to meet yours too. You might really hit it off with your partner’s friends. Or you might not.

You are going to have to deal with his friends in some capacity until he outgrows them or until you can reach an acceptance of them and tolerance of their behavior. The reasons you might dislike his friends are many. You might have to accept that there are reasons why they may or may not like you. But if you are growing closer to commitment to this one guy as his true love or possible soulmate, you must look at the whole picture. And that begins by looking in the mirror.

Four Things to Ask Yourself

Are you being too possessive?
Are his friends a symbol for the part of him that you cannot control? Do you also have trouble with some of his family or his parents? Affirmative answers here signal that you need to change your attitude first before his friends and relations are to be judged.
Are you really ready for a deep relationship?
While friends reflect a lot about a person, there is a degree of social tolerance we should have for those closest to us. If you are offended by the people he associates with, perhaps your aspirations for love are more superficial than those you should have for a great catch of a guy. If your version of love includes him changing for you, but you not changing for him, that is called “domineering” … not “loving.”
Do you want to be the center of attention?
If your man is giving his focus, energy and attention to his friends, could your negative feelings have to do with wanting all that attention focused on you? Being honest about what you expect is mandatory, but more importantly, it is the first step to being realistic about what you can expect in a relationship.
Are his friends projecting the wrong image?
Is part of your love for this man the image he projects? If you place a lot of importance on image, you may find deeper love a tough thing to hold onto. His friends might not meet the image you have for your ideal partner, but this idealized image is actually a projection of your ego onto your man. Your attraction to him is a reflection of your self-image being reflected back. His friends might be fogging up that mirror, but to make demands of him based on your ego’s superficial aspirations may be farther from love than a relationship is capable of handling. Is your goal to change him? If your goal is to change him more than it is to love him, what does that say about you? Not liking his friends may be a symptom of not really liking him.

Three Causes Rooted in Him or His Friends

Are his friends trying to sabotage your relationship?
Did he break up with a girl who was close to some of his friends? This is a warning sign that you might not be imagining animosity aimed at you. Is the attention he gives you coming at the expense of a friend or two who are sensitive and not adapting to this change well? Try to be objective and realistic. Avoid paranoid conclusions. Assume that his friends are operating on your behalf and will be happy for their friend to be happy. How do possibilities of sabotage appear now?
Is there an objective reason not to like these friends?
Have you discovered that your new boyfriend associates with dangerous people? Is there an absolute boundary being crossed in the character of the people who he chooses to call his friends? While some women have high tolerances for behavior, if a man’s friends pose a threat of danger, that energy will likely be visited on you and/or your man. He may, though, secretly long for a woman who is strong enough to make an ultimatum and relieve him of being in harm’s way in the name of hanging out. But if not, why are you with someone who is associating with these people? Why would you want to be with a man who is spineless about standing up to those who would put you in danger or is apathetic to your needs?
What is his role in maintaining friendships that are offensive to you?
If you have been with him for a while and voiced your displeasure at some of the company he keeps, he may be as much to blame as his friends for maintaining these annoyances. Is he trying to keep a barrier to intimacy front and center by spending time with buddies of his that you just don’t get along with? Does he prefer you to nag him about his friends instead of risking the possibility that you would criticize other things about him that might be more important to his ego? Remember: some of the negativity comes from you and some of it comes from his friends, but a little or a lot of it also comes from him.

Three Rules to Show You Are Making an Effort

If the stumbling block is not you, the friends are not posing an immediate threat and he is well adjusted to the relationship enough to not be using his friends as a defense mechanism, you must make an effort to go with the flow.

Allow Guy Time
A man has to get together with the guys. This must be allowed. A weekly poker game or barhop is not the end of the world. Please note that this is not a guys and “some girls” night out. You can draw the line there and keep him happy with the wide latitude of time with just the guys.
Embrace Mixed Minglers
The problem with not liking his friends is not getting to meet all of them and finding out what situations bring out the best in people. Your boyfriend may spend time with a negative friend out of habit or convenience. When prompted to keep in touch with a wider circle of his friends, you may find that the irritating buddies are the exception and not the rule. You may discover you like his circle of friends. In fact, he might rediscover how much he likes the company of these people.
Ignore the Troublemakers
There may just be a bad match with some of his friends and you can work to avoid these people. It is easier than it seems; there are errands to be run and friends of yours to be visited whenever this unlikable friend comes around. If he is not creating harm, let the relationship stand.

Dating A Man Who is Still in the Process of Divorce

download (6) While dating can be a challenging and confusing time for anyone, adding a man who is separated, but still married, can make things even more complicated. Some women choose to avoid this situation altogether, vowing to only date men who are free and clear. However, sometimes the right man comes along and, even though he is still technically married, you wish to pursue a relationship with him. While he is still legally married, though, it is important to be careful.

The first question that must be answered is: Why is he getting a divorce and what is the timeline? This is important and he will be talking about it, so listen with a keen intensity when he does. Here is a checklist:

Is There No Going Back to Her?

12183324_f520 You must be definite that he is actually getting a divorce and has not just taken a few weeks off from his marriage to “find himself” or “get space.” Are papers being filed or served? Has a lawyer been retained? Any reports of progress are a green light that he is headed in the right direction as a possible partner for you. Any stalling, or worse, attempts at reconciliation are red lights for you to put a stop to seeing him until he is officially, legally single. If he cannot or will not follow through on this, what kind of follow through will he have in regards to his commitment to you?

Is His Baggage Welcome at Your Hotel?

Why is he getting a divorce? Does he acknowledge his role in the marriage falling apart? That is a big plus. Did they try couples counseling? If so, that tells you that he is willing to work on disagreements as well as letting you know that the divorce was not a rash decision. If he says phrases like, “I’m not perfect” or “I really tried,” take these as cues that his relationship with you will also feature him making an effort when needed.

images (18) If his discussion of the divorce is a one hundred percent blaming of his soon-to-be ex-wife, take a step back. It takes two to tango. If, at the core, the problem with his wife was a drug or alcohol problem, she may be responsible for a big part of the breakup, but he may have developed co-dependent tendencies. This means that he needs to be part of a relationship drama instead of part of a relationship. Again, counseling for someone in a relationship with heavy addiction issues is a must and any insistence that, “I’m not crazy, she’s the one that’s crazy,” is a rehearsal for his lines in the movie that might become your life if you stick with him and he continues to live in denial about his role in things going bad.

If he flat out does not know what went wrong with the marriage or is evasive, insist he get to the bottom of it with you. You do not want to make a commitment to him and then find out he is likely to keep secrets from you or to check out and be so absent from the relationship that he will be surprised to find out one day that you, like his wife, is no longer there. Of course, in his defense, she may have put on a good act and left him as a devious surprise to maximize his pain and to give her a stronger position in the divorce proceedings. Find out what you can about the timeline of how and why it ended. Does everything add up?

Is He Hungry to Grow?

In his discussions of his divorce, you should be able to see her side of the story at least a little and observe the habits of his that angered her. There are habits that carry serious ramifications and others that are of little to no consequence. If she disapproved of his going to church on Sunday mornings, that tells you she was looking to end things regardless of his commitment. If she left him because he did not have a job, that is a red flag – does he have a job now? Is his idea of a relationship to be a lazy slug and mooch off his lover?

Can you mentally compare how he is now with how you perceive him to have been just a few months or years ago when the marriage crumbled? Does it sound like he was a heavier drinker then and is now sober or cutting back his drinking? Does he have bouts of anger that might indicate his ex-wife was afraid of him? Is he timid and easily swayed and you can see that a lack of a spine is what allowed a manipulative wife to get everything she could from him before she fled?

Be Ready to Listen

man-listening-to-his-lady-talk Most men going through a divorce will talk about it all the time. You might actually become a mini-expert on your state’s legal nuances involving separation and community property. He will be venting and venting. This is often a turnoff, but you can make this time matter for you in addition to just being a shoulder to cry on. Listen carefully to what he says about the judge’s rulings; the law is based on reasonable expectations. If he is complaining about getting railroaded by “the system,” it could indicate that he is too cheap to pay for a good lawyer. Do you want to be with a man who is a big cheapskate? Complaints about the judge also indicate that he was unreasonable in the marriage and/or separation. Dig deeper with casual questions centering on why the judge would do what he did. If he brings up conspiracy theories or convoluted logic, these are signs of a paranoid manipulator. If he is happy to see things going along at a predictable pace, this is a man who does not relish conflict, and who also does not back down from seeing a task through – quite a good catch no matter what his recent circumstances have been.

One Last Word of Advice

If he puts pressure on you to allow him to move in with you – especially if the source of his rent is dubious – follow the advice of one strong woman’s grandmother: “don’t fatten frogs for snakes” … Don’t just let him move in without addressing his past in order for you to observe clues for your future.

5 Things You Should Not Apologize For

A life lived with regret is yours to miss. Never apologize for following a dream because that dream makes you who you are. You will never fulfill happiness unless you live your dreams instead of dreaming your life. Often, we apologize because we worry too much about what other people think, or because we put their feelings above our own needs. There are many situations where an apology is unnecessary.

Here are five things you don’t have to apologize for—no matter what:

Asking for What You Want or Need

How many times have you opened an everyday request with “I’m sorry to trouble you, but…”? Odds are good, it’s relatively often, especially at work. If you’re asking for something you want or need in order to do your job, you don’t owe anyone an apology. Constantly apologizing before you ask for something isn’t going to get you promoted or earn the respect of your co-workers. What you’re asking for is commonplace. If you’re just apologizing to be polite, know that there are other ways to be polite to your co-workers when asking them for something. Instead of saying you’re sorry, why not ask if it’s a good time to make a request. If they say yes, proceed with your question. If they say no, ask for a better time. No apology needed!

Going After Your Heart’s Desire

You only live once and you’ve only got one person to please—you. If you’re constantly apologizing to others for not living the life they want, stop. You don’t owe it to anyone to silence the song that plays in your soul, so stop apologizing for who you are and who you feel you’re destined to be. If you don’t live the life you want, you owe yourself an apology.

Giving an Honest Opinion

When a friend, colleague or loved one asks you for your opinion, don’t apologize for giving it. They asked for the truth, so you should be truthful! Just be sure to be gentle and kind with your opinion. Kindness and a gentleness go a long when when giving constructive feedback. If you apologize before you give your opinion, it means that you feel like what you are saying or doing is wrong. Since opinions aren’t facts, that can’t be the case. And you’re entitled to your opinion, so give it without apologizing!

Getting What You Want

What’s worse than apologizing for going after what you want? Try getting what you want and then apologizing for it afterwards! Success is not something to be embarrassed about, so don’t apologize for it as if you are ashamed of it. Success is something to be proud of, just don’t become boastful—that’s something to apologize for. If you’re not excited about your achievements, who will be?

Doing the Right Thing for Yourself

Being true to yourself should be your number-one priority. Even when faced with a difficult situation, you should go with your gut instinct and think about what’s best for you. Whether it’s breaking up with someone, refusing a job offer or any number of situations that could cause you to disappoint someone, you have to do what feels right and do it without apologizing. You can be truly sorry for the hurt or stress your decision causes, but you should never be sorry for making the best decision for yourself.

How Do You Value Your Privacy in Social Media?

Compromising Your Privacy in Social Media

Many people use one form of social media or another in order to keep in touch with family or friends; or to either be informed or to inform others about a variety of topics within the realm of entertainment, news, or any other topic of their choosing. But oftentimes social media is being abused and sometimes causes anxiety to many. Being said, if you don’t want to be stalked and you don’t want someone to invade your privacy — then disconnect.

Why Not Deactivate?

Many people will complain about their exes stalking them on social media sites but that is easily remedied with the click of a button. So why not just deactivate? It’s because they are engaging in the same activity! They are invading someone else’s privacy too! They feel they have an open window to crawl through where they can keep tabs on their current/former partners, friends and family. In most cases this causes confusion, frustration and anxiety because often times the information they are viewing is false. Some individuals will post inaccurate information in order to bring about a reaction from someone specific. It is a very manipulative maneuver and can also create negative karma.

Here are the types of people you’ll find on social media sites. Are you one of them?

The Attention Seeker

This is the person who is changing their profile picture every week or constantly posting photos of themselves in all different poses and there are several reasons for this. They want their connections to compliment them so that they can feel better about themselves or they want to sway a partner who they feel is drifting away from them back in their direction. If there are a number of compliments posted, the attention seeker hopes that the partner or ex partner will reconsider. This behavior is extremely manipulative and very transparent. It’s as if they want their privacy to be invaded.

The Storyteller

The storytellers love to air their dirty laundry. They also show their insecurities when it comes to relationships. They have no problem engaging in lengthy and negative banter for all to see with one or more of their connections. When in an unhealthy love relationship, they are extremely misleading. These individuals, who are very insecure, will consistently post information regarding the relationship—boasting how wonderful their partner is and how lucky they are to be with them. They will present many photos depicting the happy couple. This is their way of keeping others from interfering in the relationship which really means that there is trouble in paradise. If you are truly happy and secure with your partner, you do not need to broadcast your relationship all over these sites.

The Sentinel

This is the individual who very rarely comments or posts and, in fact, may not show any activity for months. In reality, they are watching everyone else all day long, every day of the week. They want to keep abreast of what is happening in the lives of others and hope that their privacy settings don’t prevent them from doing so. The sentinel usually does not have much of a social life or they are just plain nosy.

The Informer

The informer feels the need to keep every one of their social network connections up-to-date on every little thing they are doing at any given moment of the day and night. For example, they will let you know where they are, who they are with and the general mood of the activity. These are usually things no one else has an interest in knowing, such as where they are shopping for new shoes, when they are taking the dog to the vet or if they are waiting in the unemployment line. These are self-centered and very lonely people who simply want someone to care about them. They also become enraged if someone pokes fun at them for these worthless posts.

The Sympathy Junkie

These people will always put out information on the social media sites to provoke others to ask the question, “What’s wrong?” They will usually not get into specifics but will allude to some kind of dysfunction in their daily lives such as complaining about work or simply stating that they are depressed. They are very much like the attention seekers and there is usually a specific person that they want a reaction from. They always play the victim but hardly ever give specifics regarding what their problem is.

Value Your Privacy

Social media sites can be wonderful tools to connect with people from your past and stay connected to your current friends and family. But all too often these sites are used in a negative fashion. There is nothing wrong with sharing photos that are precious to you with those you care about but always exercise caution and remember that there are much better ways of communicating. Keep your intentions in check as well. Ask yourself if you are putting this information out to bring joy to someone or are you trying to push buttons. If you want to put information out there for your connections, try to make it something inspiring and uplifting. Think of posting something that will bring a smile to their faces and brighten their day. Spreading positive energy will bring happiness to you too. Remember that when you put intimate details of your life out there, you can be inviting trouble in.

6 Ways to Avoid the Feeling of a Third Wheel

I was out of a relationship and didn’t really want in one, my friend was newly in one and didn’t really want out. We had to figure out a new time-spending compromise for friendship.

When a friend gets into a new relationship it also changes the dynamic of the relationships with other people. Sure, it’s nice that they’re totally into someone, but how can one hang out with a couple without feeling like the third wheel?

Being a third wheel is super awkward, especially when you’re hanging around a couple in love. You get to sit there and listen to them call each other by their pet names. You get to watch them snuggle, hold hands and even kiss. You get to watch them exchange knowing glances. It’s uncomfortable and if you’re single, being around a couple in love can make you feel really lonely. So, how do you avoid being a third wheel?

Give Her Space

As much as it hurts, you may have to take a step back from your friendship—at least in the beginning. Give her space, whether it’s seeing her less often, or calling and texting her less. Give your best friend time to figure out the dynamics of her relationship. Let her reach out to you to make plans. Don’t look at her love as competition, because you’ll just get resentful. You don’t want to be perceived as creepy and possessive, so don’t chase after her to get together.

Expand Your Circle

Hopefully you have more than one close friend, so make plans with your other friends or make new ones for an active social life. Don’t sit at home alone on a Saturday night with no plans because your best friend is out on another date with her love. How about doing something she would never do with you? If she hates hiking or camping, find a friend who loves both and make plans. Use this time to explore new interests or get back into a hobby you’ve been neglecting.

Make One-On-One Plans With Her

Just because your best friend is in love, it doesn’t mean she’ll die if she’s away from her mate for more than an hour. Make plans for one-on-one time. Have a girls’ brunch or day and emphasize that it’s a time for the two of you to catch up. If your best friend is hesitant to leave her love alone, you can remind her that time apart is great for a relationship. If you’re not encroaching on their dating time, her love shouldn’t be encroaching on your friendship time.

Hang Out With Them (Sometimes)

Show your best friend that you support her relationship (and happiness) by meeting her new love and agree to get together with both of them. If you feel awkward about it, limit your time with them to a coffee meetup or a meal. If that’s too intimate for you, why not do a fun group activity like play a team sport or head over to your local bar for quiz night? Don’t make it awkward for them by calling yourself the third wheel or by constantly reminding them you’re single. If they’re making it awkward for you by being too kissy-kissy in front of you, be assertive. Otherwise, just roll with the punches.

Take Advantage of Their Relationship

Your best friend’s relationship is an opportunity to improve your romantic life. Maybe their partner knows someone single who would be a good match for you. Or, you can ask them for dating advice. Have a crush on someone? Use your friend’s relationship to ask them out on a no-pressure group date. If you aren’t feeling bold, say your friend and her partner have an extra ticket to something and ask your crush if they want to tag along.

Assess Your Friendship

If your best friend is really your best friend, they’ll learn how to balance their social life with their romantic life. No romantic relationship should get in the way of your bond, but no friendship should get in the way of true love either. You should be patient with your friend, but you don’t have to be patient forever. If she disappears every time she falls in love, this should be a red flag that she doesn’t value your friendship as much as you do.

Know Your Personality thru Your Halloween Costume

Most people struggle throughout their lives to reach the ideal self they always dreamed of. Some of them succeed in their mission while others don’t. A person could dream of becoming strong but fail to do so and as a result develop a powerful desire to acquire more strength. Another person could dream of being able to help and protect his close ones but fail to do it as well. All of these desires don’t get wiped out from the memory of a person but they remain their and affect the way he behaves throughout his life.

Earlier i said that the music that you listen to, the way you walk, talk and dress up reflect some of your innermost desires and the good news is that Halloween costumes are no different.

If you’ve ever wondered what someone’s Halloween costume selection says about his or her personality, read on.

Invisible Costumes

One of the most noticeable costumes on Halloween are often worn by the people who seem to be trying to hide. These are the large cumbersome outfits that not only block out their body, but quite often their face too. These people may have low self-esteemand are trying to draw attention away from their true self.

Couples’ Costumes

Yes, couples’ costumes can be really cute, but sometimes this kind of Halloween costume reveals that at least one of the partners in the relationship is very insecure. Perhaps they want to make sure everyone at the party knows they’re in a relationship and perhaps they don’t have much independence.

Sexy Costumes

Most costume shops have a plethora of sexy Halloween costumes for a good reason—Halloween is the perfect time to let your freak flag fly! Whether they feel sexually repressed the rest of the year, or the holiday is just another excuse to wear their sexuality on their sleeve, wearing a sexy costume doesn’t always suggest confidence. There is a chance the wearer could be suffering from low self-esteem, depression and body dissatisfaction.

Outrageous Costumes

Halloween is the perfect time to explore a deep, dark desire. That’s why many people dress in costumes that represent the complete opposite of who they are in real life. So a person dressed in an outrageous costume (or a sexy one) may not be outrageous in their everyday life. Perhaps they just want to get a taste of how “the other half lives.”

Animal Costumes

Some people dress up as animals, because they think they’re cute. Other people dress as animals because they want to possess a specific quality. A shark costume could mean they wish to be more aggressive and predatory, while a bunny costume may mean they want to be seen as cute and cuddly.

Popular Costumes

There are those people who dress up in the most popular costumes of the year—they buy whatever is trending. This could mean they aren’t very original. This could also mean it’s important for them to fit in with a crowd. People hide behind popular logos and brands every day of the year because they make them feel important. They same could be true of people who wear the popular Halloween costume.

Scary Costume

Many people view Halloween as a scary holiday, so naturally, they choose a scary Halloween costume. But there may be a little more to it than that. When a person feels as if they have lost control over their life and have become more of a victim than a victor, they may be drawn to these types of scary characters because it gives them a sense of power. This is because these types of characters are generally pictured as being unburdened by the empathy that makes a person vulnerable to sadness and fear. So in reality, these people may be a whole lot more sad and frightened than they are scary.

Uniform Costume

There are times when people crave to feel the power behind a certain uniform. Studies suggest that people actually feel (and perform) better when wearing a particular outfit. Maybe dressing as a doctor fulfills a desire for a career path that was always out of reach. Some uniforms are also considered more sexy than others, like doctor, fireman or paramedic, so perhaps they’re just looking to turn you on.

Business Costume

Business costumes are for people who identify themselves by their jobs. Plus, their costumes have been sitting in their closets all year, so they don’t have to spend money on something new. A business costume suggests that they may be a workaholic in real life.

What is Your Sun Sign Talent?

Your zodiac sun sign signifies the energy on which your Soul incarnated this lifetime. Though there are numerous additional factors influencing the overall map of your Soul, your sun sign plays a major role in your life. Your sun sign reveals your consciousness of self as a unique human being.

Eclipses open the “windows between the worlds” during September and October, making anything possible. Listen to your intuitive nature and balance creative idea time with taking real action. Put your goals on paper and review them regularly. Timing is everything, and now is perfect for creating new pathways to express your sun sign’s genius:

Aries

You continue to define your career and public image with brilliant new ideas. Now is the time to enhance these with further education, travel and spiritual studies for greater expression of your talents. Incorporate all that you’ve learned over the past few years in relationships to add heart to your projects.

Taurus

All your rich, sexy ideas are seeking expression. Whether you get into fashion design, open a blow-dry bar, or just enjoy an incredible love life, you’ll be an artist in demand. Take care with groups and the internet, until you have all the facts. Stay in touch with your power of beauty and love to succeed.

Gemini

You’re going to develop more complete self-expression over the next few years as focus shifts to home and relationships. This is all part of a greater plan to bring your communication skills into a much more satisfying, loving realm. Whatever your creative pursuits may be, inspiration flows and demands to be shared with others.

Cancer

You are in the process of a spiritual awakening that will change your perspective on everything that you might want and need. Find the best way to express that source of infinite love that you are and take care to be clear. Then don’t hold back. Say how you feel. You’ll be working a lot in the process, but will find true joy in serving in the midst of love.

Leo

In the midst of challenges, you’ve had quite a year where anyone and everyone have taken notice of you. It’s now time to consider what’s best for your finances and personal values. Solid success comes from putting real effort into creative pursuits. Dreams are effective as long as you always ground them in reality and clear self-expression.

Virgo

You are a master of making things happen and doing them well. Currently, you’re the sun sign that has the most to gain from really listening to heartfelt inspiration over the next year. Your ability to put things into form will suddenly demand that you offer your talents on a greater scale. You’re not comfortable in the spotlight, but you’re needed there, so enjoy the adoration!

Libra

You have learned volumes about relationships over that past few years. You’ve discovered the satisfaction of recognizing your talents, rather than total focus on your significant other. This frees you to joyously be yourself and have the true person of your dreams team with you for future success.

Scorpio

It’s been a massive amount of work over the past year or two and you are about to really reach the world with your projects, according to your sun sign. It will be tempting to kick back once you’ve completed it all, but keep digging into the depths of your soul to find even more success. Focus on building your financial presence and let the next seeds of creativity bring results.

Sagittarius

While life is about to get more serious, it will also be more satisfying as your career and your public image build to new heights. Don’t neglect the people who are the foundation of your life. Use them as inspiration for all that you want to accomplish. You’ve always been the “big picture” person, so infuse your work and enhance your self-expression.

Capricorn

Communication becomes your focus over the next year in your plan to express your greatest talents. No detail will be too small, but let yourself remember daily what inspires and motivates you. At the heart of your being is a true sense of purpose. As long as you keep that in heart and mind, nothing can stop you as you gain more and more power.

Aquarius

You’ve always been the person who understands the power of networking, and you’ll continue to use that tool in your genius. In fact, you may find the thought a bit annoying since you’ve been doing it for so long. But you are building new bridges to the future if you just stick with your amazing human understanding. Financial benefit comes from what inspires you, so keep those channels open.

Pisces

You’re such an inspired person by nature that you may be a bit overwhelmed by what seems like over-confidence from partners in your life. You have some career-building to do, so don’t let others throw you off your game. You have a vision that is meant to be fulfilled—soon. Make those you love understand that they share in your future if they’ll just help you build it.

The most exciting times are unsettled, so be prepared for change. Just realize that your sun sign reveals the opportunities appearing for your spectacular new life!

Stay Away From These 10 Self-Esteem Burglars

Why is building and being able to maintain high self-esteem so important?

A high opinion about yourself and who you are and what you do and basically a love for yourself is also one of the things that people often miss or have too little of in today’s society. The last thing you need is to be with someone who makes it even more difficult to maintain a good outlook on life. In other words, please stay away from these 10 self-esteem burglars.

They’re Self-Esteem Napalm!

It’s difficult enough to maintain healthy self-esteem in today’s society. The last thing you need is to be with someone who makes it even more difficult to maintain a good outlook on life. In other words, please stay away from these 10 self-esteem burglars.

1. The Narcissist

Nothing is ever the narcissist’s fault. The one person who will always be at fault for everything that goes wrong with their life is you. Forget it!

2. The Guilt Monger

Some people have learned to control their relationships through guilt. The guiltier you feel about what you are not doing for them, the more effort you will put into giving them exactly what they want. They want complete control over you and the relationship. A good relationship needs to be 50/50, so ditch the guilt monger before you waste more effort on them.

3. The Fault Finder

They find everything that’s “wrong” with you and then point it all out as often and loud as they can. There is actually nothing wrong with having a few faults and insecurities; it is what makes us unique and human. However, if you hang around the fault finder long enough, their constant reminders of your faults will eventually make you start to doubt yourself in a very big way.

4. The Grumpy Cat

A positive partner makes you feel positive. But if you’re dating a grump, it’s hard to be positive about anything. With someone who hates the world, hates life, and perpetually gets up on the wrong side of the bed every morning? Dump them! How can you feel good about the same life they hate so much?

5. The Scorekeeper

Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner keeps score of every bad thing you’ve ever done, and then brings the bad things up in order to get the upper hand during an argument or disagreement? You are being manipulated by a person who has no interest in maintaining an equal partnership with you.

6. The Hostage Taker

When a partner is constantly holding their love over your head in order to keep you in line, then that just isn’t love anymore. Threatening to end the relationship unless you do exactly what they say is one of the worst forms of manipulation, and if that is how they plan to keep you over the long haul, you’d be much happier with someone who understands the value of a good relationship.

7. The Ex Evaluator

Some partners compare you to other lovers. This approach to a relationship is not only devastating to your self-esteem, but to the possibility of ever building any trust or security in your relationship. If all those other people were so great, why don’t they just go back to them and leave you alone?

8. The Misery Junkie

If you have a partner who gets a thrill from throwing you on a roller-coaster ride of emotions, you’re life is (and will always be) miserable. One minute they are happy in love. The next they are completely over you. This is a relationship that you are just never going to want to be a part of.

9. The Cheater

Yes, it is possible that your cheating partner loves you. But if they don’t love you enough to give you the kind of respect you deserve, then I would say they just don’t love you enough.

10. The Competitor

The one person you shouldn’t compete with is your partner. If you feel like you have to live in their shadow for the sake of your relationships, get out! And while they may seem more than happy to help you up every time you purposely fall short to keep the peace in the house, you’d actually be better off living alone as your own champion.

Your Guardian Angel and You

Through the almighty Divine Will itself, to each human being is associated from the moment of birth, a so called Guardian Angel. As the name shows it, the Guardian Angel is a sublime, bright angelic entity, of whose main responsibility, connected to the human being that s/he is protecting, through a divine mandate, is to protect, guide and inspire in a secret, godly manner.

Are guardian angels truly responsible for the moments of good fortune and synchronicity that we experience? What are these protective, helpful beings, where do they come from, and what is their purpose here on earth?

Many believe guardian angels are messengers from God who have come to Earth to deliver divine assistance. Both the Bible and the Koran contain numerous references to angels who are tasked with watching over the lives of human beings — but guardian angels are not unique to Christianity or Islam. In fact, they cross cultures, religions and time itself, dating back to ancient days in the Far East. The Hebrew and Greek words for “angel” originally meant, simply, “messenger” — underscoring the concept of a spiritual being sent from another plane to relay an important idea.

Modern belief in angels is even less restricted by religion or geography. Many people now believe angels can appear in countless forms — other people, animals, a sudden intuition, or even a non-corporeal voice, touch or scent. Many people use the terms “guardian angel” and “spirit guide” interchangeably, while others believe these are two distinct entities with separate purposes here on earth. Some believe guardian angels are assigned to follow and protect specific human beings for their whole lives. Others believe angels are everywhere — all around us, in all shapes and forms, and usually without wings or other obvious clues to their identity — ready to step in and lend a hand whenever and wherever necessary.

As with all of life’s greatest mysteries, there are no clear or simple answers to questions regarding angels or their origins. Those who have been “touched by an angel,” however, would swear they exist. And the role they play in our lives seems clear enough: watching over us in order to protect us from the myriad dangers that surround us every day.

If you have received assistance from a guardian angel, you may not have realized you were experiencing divine intervention. The following are some signs that a guardian angel stepped into your life with the purpose of protecting you from harm — perhaps harm you didn’t even realize existed.

•    You have been involved in a serious accident but escaped without a scratch — and there is no logical explanation for why you weren’t hurt.
•    You have been in the midst of some type of disaster, such as a hurricane or lightning storm, that should have frightened you — yet you felt perfectly calm and unafraid, as if some unknown being were holding and comforting you, and communicating to you that all would be well.
•    You intended to follow a certain plan — take a trip on a bus or a train, for example — but something told you not to. Later, you discovered that by changing your plans at the last minute, you unwittingly avoided some type of trouble, or even tragedy.
•    You have sensed an instinctive warning when encountering a strange person or animal — something telling you to walk the other way to avoid danger.
•    Alternatively, you have experienced an intuitive sense that a certain stranger or animal possessed great kindness and wisdom, and could help you in some way.
•    At the moment that someone you loved passed away, you smelled a wonderfully sweet scent that seemed to come from nowhere and brought you a feeling of comfort and joy.

•    When you were feeling worried or sad about a certain situation in your life, a sudden sense of peace, joy and contentment came over you. Though you had no idea where this feeling came from, you knew at a deep, intuitive level that everything would be fine.
•    During a time of stress or grief in your life, a certain animal meant a great deal to you — perhaps a pet who gave you special comfort, or a bird who visited your windowsill every morning, bringing you a sense of hope amidst the pain.
•    You have had a vivid dream in which a loving, angelic being gave you an important message.
•    You have received aid, whether financial, emotional or some other type, from a person whom you didn’t know well and from whom you didn’t expect help of any kind. These are sometimes referred to as “earth angels” — other human beings here on earth who do the work of an angel without expecting thanks or any type of compensation.

Some might claim the above are simply examples of a highly attuned intuitive sense or of good people doing their duty as citizens of the world. And that may be true; there is no way to know for certain whether assistance we receive just when we need it most is coincidental, human or divine. Again, however, those individuals who have direct experience with a guardian angel have not just miraculous stories to tell, but also the assurance of their own experience. Angels walk among us here on earth, and their angelic protection can be essential to our wellbeing.

15 Things to Give Up to Make Your Life Easier and Happier

Stressed? Are you dealing with great pain right?

Is it giving you too much suffering that you almost want to give up?

Why are you still holding on to the things that cause all this stress? It is time to give up on all those things and embrace change.

Here are 15 things, which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier.

1. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

2. GIVE UP ON BLAME
Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

3. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT
There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

4. GIVE UP YOUR SELF-DEFEATING SELF-TALK
Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS
About what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. GIVE UP COMPLAINING
Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. GIVE UP THE LUXURY OF CRITICISM
Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO IMPRESS OTHERS
Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE
Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. GIVE UP LABELS

Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. GIVE UP ON YOUR FEARS
Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.

“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. GIVE UP YOUR EXCUSES
Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. GIVE UP THE PAST
I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. GIVE UP ATTACHMENT
This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

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