Will He Change Because You Love Him?

Remember the story of the “Beauty and the Beast”? Most of you are probably familiar with this story ever since you were little. If you’re not, then here’s a quick summary: The Beast is mean, mad and controlling and He imprisoned Belle with no justifiable reason. As the story goes on, Belle learns to love him despite his obviously abusive treatment (also called Stockholm Syndrome). Belle manages to see the other side of the Beast. His gentle and more vulnerable side, and she thinks that’s worth saving. She melts his aggrieved heart. It’s her only objective. She has no identity or ideals outside of their relationship.

You Can’t Love Them Enough

Belle manages to love Beast so much that he turns into a handsome prince. The message is, if you love someone enough, you can make them a better person. If they don’t become a better person, it means that you didn’t love them enough. Think you can love someone enough to make them a better person? If you do, you believe a fairy tale!

A Painful Myth

Many women painfully discover this myth after years of giving their whole heart to a partner who is aggressive, controlling and intimidating. But the dream of saving him from his brooding, dark troubles is a fantasy that somehow rationalizes subjecting themselves to poor treatment. What’s worse is that in the midst of all this, some women feel like their men haven’t changed for the better simply because they haven’t loved them enough.

Drawing the Goodness Out

It may be true that everyone has goodness inside them, yet if a woman takes it upon herself to draw that goodness out, she may end up feeling hurt and betrayed. She may be looking for the goodness, but the person she is attempting to draw it out from has no interest in accessing it or living from it unless he can use it to further manipulate his partner.

A Bucket Filled With Holes

You can’t change people and it’s not your responsibility to do so. Sure, you can impact, inspire and support people, but you can’t change them. They have to want to change. If they don’t want to change, you’re simply pouring water into a bucket filled with holes, and that’s unacceptable. You’re better off just walking away.

Compromising Your Dignity and Self-Worth

When you chase that kind of love, you are compromising your identity, dignity and self-worth. A man can’t give you what he doesn’t have. We are all worthy of being treated with respect, love and kindness today (not in some distant future) and certainly not when it’s contingent on someone eventually sorting out their problems. If a man can’t respect you, it is not your responsibility to try and fix him so he will. It’s never your job to just love a man. Instead, be yourself, love yourself and expect that same love and respect from your partner, whatever relationship you’re in.

Setting the Bar too Low

Back to Belle and Beast. Beast doesn’t actually become good. He doesn’t do anything overtly loving and caring for her. He just isn’t as abusive, violent and hostile as he once was. It’s as if not being an opprobrious S.O.B is somehow a really big achievement. Belle sadly sets the bar really low.

Write Your Own Love Story

You have the right to get back what you give. The kind of love that you share, should be shared with you in return. Kissing frogs, transforming beasts into princes and losing your voice for love are all narratives set up for the convenience of men. I have two daughters of my own and I hope that they will write their own love stories—narratives that begin and end on the premise that they are worthy of receiving love just by being themselves.

Is Your Cat a Psychic?

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Does your gut tells you that your cat sense something that you don’t? That maybe it is capable of distinguishing the presence of spectacles that are beyond what you can foresee? Well, it’s probably true. Cats do have the ability to see, hear and sense a wider portion of the electromagnetic spectrum. It’s possible that they have a well-developed sensitivity to subtle changes in atmospheric vibration, thus giving them the appearance of being psychic.

Cat Predicts Imminent Death

The New England Journal of Medicine published an article in 2007 about‘Oscar’, a cat who has made his home in a nursing home on Rhode Island. His favorite place to be is on the advanced dementia ward. His skill, if you can call it that, is being able to predict when a patient is about to die. When staff witness him curling up and purring next to a patient, they know that person is about to pass. As of 2010, Oscar predicted 50 deaths since he came to live at the nursing home in 2005 as a kitten. Oscar makes his rounds every day, just like the doctors. One time, he was found curled up next to a female patient’s leg. She died later of a blood clot. Oscar’s usual behavior towards his human companions is generally cool and unfriendly.

Oscar’s abilities are probably due to a certain sensitivity to changes in the patient; maybe their smell is different, their breathing is altered, or a certain chemical is released in their body before they die. No one really knows why this exceptional cat can foretell death and why he acts the way he does. Perhaps he truly is a psychic cat?

Cats Detect Illness

Many stories abound of cats who can detect illness in their owners. Jean was about to settle down to sleep with her cat, Topsy. Suddenly Topsy began jumping around, circling, leaping on and off the bed forcing Jean to get up. As Jean stood, she felt dizzy and shaky. She realized she’d forgotten to check her blood sugar level before bedtime. It was highly possible she could have slipped into a diabetic coma without Topsy’s intervention.

Several years ago, a kitten called Fidge saved her owner’s life by sitting on her breast every evening for two weeks. Her owner was experiencing slight pain in her right breast so she thought she’d get herself checked out. Her doctor discovered a small malignant tumor that would have eventually killed her if left untreated. Fidge’s family have since treated her like the hero she is.

Cats Predict Earthquakes

In 2012, Japanese scientists conducted a survey of animal owners in Japan in the wake of the 2011 earthquake and subsequent tsunami.

“In cats with unusual behavior, 44.6% showed it immediately prior and 30.4% in the few hours before the earthquake.”

Most incidences involved the cat acting in a restless manner and insisting on being close to their owner. Some cats displayed agitation up to six days before the event.

Many reasons have been given how cats (and other animals) predict earthquakes. They include the likelihood of very minor pre-shocks that cats feel, changes in static electricity, shifts in the electromagnetic field, or of course, sensitivity to all three.

Can Cats See Ghosts?

Psychics, spiritualists, and owners themselves are often convinced that cats are psychic in the sense that they become aware of the presence of a spirit. Behaviors vary according to whether the visitor is welcome or not. Owners report their cat staring into space and purring, appearing to act feisty for no apparent reason, or taking an aggressive stance – growling, hackles raised and claws extended.

One example, given by the writer of the Dead Conversations blog, is of a young child suffering from night terrors and medically unexplained seizures, attributed to the presence of a spirit. The family cat stood guard at the child’s door and, while the night terrors occurred, would be observed growling, hissing and violently swatting at the air. As soon as the nightmares ceased, the cat would lie down and sleep peacefully. Eventually, the spirit was persuaded to leave; the nightmares ended, and the cat stopped displaying the strange behavior.

There is a theory that, like some other species, cats can see things in the ultra-violet spectrum that are invisible to humans. A 2014 paper suggests that, based on their findings, that cats are UV sensitive, whereas humans are not.

Signs that Indicate a Psychic Cat

She displays unusual behavior; walking in circles, won’t leave your side, appears anxious.
Her body language changes – she may flatten her ears, lower and swish her tail.
She sits staring at something you cannot see. This may last minutes or longer.
She starts to purr for no apparent reason.
She seems to be interacting with someone invisible to you, rolling on her back, rubbing her body against nothing.
She displays aggressive behavior toward an invisible enemy. Her hackles rise, her tail fluffsout, and she growls quite alarmingly.
She acts as though she’s guarding a member of the family.
She knows when you are ill or upset and prefers to stay right next to you.

Test Your Cat’s Mind-Reading Skills

When the house is quiet, the TV is off, and you are not likely to be disturbed, you can practice your telepathic skills with your cat. You and your cat should be relaxed, but he should not be sleeping. Don’t touch him, but instead, imagine that you are stroking him and send a feeling of love full blast right at him. He may respond by merely looking at you, or he may move closer, start purring or demonstrate full-on purry, pushy love behavior.

Another time, making sure he is relaxed but awake, try visualizing yourself walking to his food bowl and filling it with something he really loves. A few pieces of ham, fish or other tasty treat. Repeat it a few times until you have it as real in your mind as possible. Imagine the texture of the food, the smell. See yourself putting the food in the bowl and imagine your cat running to the bowl to snaffle up the food. Your cat may come to you, acting as he usually does before you feed him. He may even go to the bowl to check if the food really is there. If he does either of these things, then be sure to reward him by giving him his treat.

How to Move On and Find the Right One

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Do You Really Want Your Cheating Ex Back?

Does he really love her? Is she more attractive and clever than me? Why does she make him happy and I don’t? Is there a little guilt in him for cheating on me? Many women who have been cheated ask these questions. Having an unfaithful partner affects tremendously our feelings and is demoralizing. It creates destruction on our self-esteem.

Stop Blaming Yourselves!

Women tend to blame themselves for being cheated on. What did they do (or not do) that caused their significant other to stray? And they want me to help them win their significant other back. They want to prove that they are the better choice and that the mistress will not be successful in taking their man away. But ladies let me ask you this: What are you actually winning? More heartache? More insecurities? More feelings of unworthiness? More tears? More untrustworthiness?

Believe in two things:

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
You must deal with reality in a logical way.

Determine What You Really Want

It’s time to let go of that cheater and focus on finding a new and better relationship! Grab a pen and piece of paper and write down exactly what you want in a soulmate. Your list may look something like this:

I want someone who is trustworthy.
I want someone who is loyal and faithful.
I want someone who is connected and attentive.
I want someone who makes me an important part of their life.

Love yourself enough to take the time to do this. Read your list aloud and think about the person who has cheated on you. You’ll find they are no match for your soulmate. So when you cry over a cheater, remember that you are not crying over the cheater; you are crying over what they did not give you, which is what you really want (according to your list). Your soulmate is not the person who cheated on you. They cannot and will not fulfill your desires.

Be honest. There was a part of you that knew your cheating partner could not live up to your expectations. The one you really want can’t come to you if your cheating partner is still in the picture, so stop crying over them. They’re just taking up space in your life. Don’t give more time and attention to someone who isn’t worthy of you.

Weeping and Rejoicing

If you’ve been cheated on and you call me, know that I will grieve with you. But I will also rejoice for you because I know that you will learn and heal from this experience. I know that you will choose better next time. I know that the universe is trying to send you what you really want, now that you understand what you really want in a significant other. Take the love and attention you poured into that cheating partner and pour it into yourself instead. Then watch what the universe brings you because you did that!

How to Overcome Escapism

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Take a good look at your life now. Is there anything you are trying to avoid dealing with? Your work? Your responsibilities? Your relationships? Your singlehood if you are single? Your deteriorating health? Your poor dietary habits? Your poor exercise regime? Your lackluster financial status? Your goals? Your aspirations? Your personal issues? Your past?

Escapism occurs when you try to avoid something. It can come in different forms. Some people escape by seeking out alternate activities, such as sleeping and playing. Some drown themselves in work. Some immerse themselves in addiction, such as emotional eating (bingeing), smoking, alcohol or even drugs. Some physically run away from their homes. Some may even go as far as to migrate to a new place where they can start ‘afresh’.

You Can’t Hide From Yourself Forever

I’ve learned that no matter how much I tried to hide or run away from the things I didn’t like about myself, those things still found a way to creep in. Eventually, escapism stopped working for me and I was left with nowhere else to hide. I had to face the things I was in denial about. I felt lonely, angry, betrayed, and anxious at first and it was painful. But it was what I needed to go through in order to reestablish trust within myself. I had forgotten to be kind to myself.

Exploring Your Inner Workings

I took a staycation. I explored my inner workings and let whatever insecurities I had arise and be released with love. I advise you to do the same. Get in the habit of doing something lovely for yourself every day. Take a long walk or soak in an inviting bath. Build a relationship with yourself.

Discover Limitlessness

Slowly, I began to enjoy my awkward nature. I learned to embrace my flaws. I accepted and even enjoyed being a “party of one.” After all, it was ludicrous to think that everyone else would accept me when I was essentially rejecting myself. If you embrace yourself, you will discover that you are limitless.

A Higher Vibrational Experience

Having no limits can be intimidating at first, but if you release yourself from the prison within, you can have a higher vibrational experience. New doors will open for you if you stay present and authentic with yourself. If you have an authentic connection with yourself, you will have authentic connections with the people around you. Authenticity is a powerful tool of self-love and manifestation.

Give Yourself What You Give to Others

You are the vehicle for your success and the gasoline is the thoughts that propel you forward toward an exciting new adventure. So learn to give yourself what you give to others. Never exclude yourself! Give yourself the same faith, love, respect and trust that you give to others.

How To Deal With Anger in a Healthy Way

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Do you lose your temper and wonder why? Are there days when you feel like you just wake up angry?

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

Instead of keeping your anger to yourself and letting it fester, why not try these healthy alternatives for healing anger?

Vent, Cry or Shout

When you feel angry, vent your emotions to someone you trust, whether it be a friend, family member, psychic, partner or counselor. Don’t take your anger out on strangers or random people. People who you know and trust will have compassion for your situation. They will respect your feelings and let you get whatever you need to off your chest without judgement. They can help you feel free once again.

Don’t be afraid to cry. Crying is an extremely healthy way of releasing emotion. It’s something you can do on your own, or in front of someone you love or trust. Don’t view crying as a sign of weakness, because it isn’t!

Shout it out! Don’t shout at random strangers in public places though. Instead, go to a quiet place where you know you’re alone, like among tress in a forest or on a deserted beach at sunrise. Yell at the top of your lungs and say exactly what’s on your mind. You’ll feel great afterwards and an amazing weight will have been lifted off your shoulders.

Exercise

If your anger is making you feel aggressive, take it out on a workout. Go running, hop on a bike or take a kickboxing class. Concentrate all your negative, strong feelings on making yourself sweat. Exercise until you’re too tired to be angry anymore. Not only is exercise physically therapeutic, it also does wonders for your mental and emotional health as well. It’s great for those who don’t feel like talking.

Learn to Let Go

As I said before, holding on to anger is not healthy and it can even make you sick. You need to learn to let go of the anger. If you don’t let it go, you’ll never be at peace. You’ll always feel haunted. In order to let go of the anger, you need to reflect on it and you can do this with professional help, whether it be a therapist, religious leader, or your trusted psychic. You can also try meditation and journaling.

It’s perfectly okay to be angry. When someone wrongs you or when things don’t go your way, you have a right to be mad. But what you do with that anger is what’s most important. Don’t ignore or suppress your feelings. Don’t worry about making others happy. Express your anger and do it in a healthy way in order to have your inner peace restored.

7 Things That Poison Your Relationship

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Despite truly wanting to have happy and harmonious committed relationships or marriages, many people inadvertently stress and even destroy theirs by injecting them with steady doses of interpersonal poison.

Unlike blatant acts of abuse, deceit, or infidelity, the major problem with these destructive behaviors is that they are so insidious and subtle that by the time their ill effects are noticed, the damage has already been done. Similar to a drop of water, that by itself is of little consequence, but over time can erode solid rock or corrode thick iron, the steady drip, drip, drip of these toxic habits can destroy even a once-strong relationship.

Here’s a list of 7 poisons in a relationship:

1. Stop snooping.

That’s right. You need to stop snooping. Insecurity will kill a relationship faster than anything else.

Don’t read your girlfriend’s email.

Don’t check your boyfriend’s phone.

Don’t go through your lover’s search history.

Quit looking at what pictures they favorited on Instagram.

And don’t go through a woman’s purse.

If it’s not yours, there’s a simple rule to follow: Leave. It. Alone.

Insecurity breeds insecurity.

If you’re in a relationship, trust the person you’re with. If you think they’re screwing around or if you don’t trust them, the only things you need to be looking into are your motivations for staying and your trust issues. Don’t punish your significant other for whatever your exes did.

Stop snooping. It’s unhealthy and it will only create distrust.

2. Stop being jealous.

They’re with you, right?

If you’re jealous every time your significant other wants to go have a night out with friends or lunch with a co-worker, you’re only gonna shut down any kind of meaningful communication if someone else ever does come along.

Let’s say his boss hits on him, but you’ve been acting crazy. You think he’s going to tell you and risk you coming to his job to block and cause a scene?

Nope.

Or what if that guy friend of hers who just broke up with his girlfriend and keeps wanting to have lunch with her actually DOES make a move, but you’ve already been accusing her of running around? Do you think she’s gonna confide in you?

Nope.

Seriously. Calm down.

Keep your insecurities in check. If you’re jealous, try this: SAY THAT YOU ARE JEALOUS AND EXPLAIN WHY. You’d be surprised at how well communication can work in a relationship.

3. Stop treating your fights like wars: Be careful when you argue.

Never, ever betray your intimacy in a fight by getting personal.

You know each other’s weaknesses. You know each other’s secrets.

It’s easy to get caught up in anger and say things you don’t mean in the heat of the moment, but that doesn’t make it okay.

Try to understand the issue; try to understand each other. Fight the problem together.

You know each other’s vulnerabilities.

You have the power to hurt your significant other. Don’t ever use it.

It’s a huge violation of trust that will cause damage that you will not be able to repair.

On that note…

4. Stop bringing up past fights and old injuries.

Is bringing up what they said three months ago when you were both angry going to solve whatever you’re going through right now? No, it won’t.

Is telling them that you’re still pissed that they were inconsiderately late for your grandfather’s birthday dinner last year going to serve any constructive purpose? No, it won’t.

Holding onto a litany of things you’re angry about so that you can use them as ammunition later isn’t just unhealthy — it’s positively toxic. Don’t bring up past fights.

Let that stuff go.

5. Stop making threats and ultimatums just to control your significant other’s actions.

Engaging in emotional terrorism is never a good idea. Don’t hold your significant other hostage with threats of breaking up, divorcing, throwing all their stuff out into the yard, suicide, homicide, telling all your mutual friends how evil they are, or anything else that even remotely resembles any of these things.

Just don’t do it.

And if it’s done to you, don’t tolerate it. Walk away.

6. Stop airing your dirty laundry on social media.

There’s really no need to subtweet about how “some people should probably start locking their phones” or leaving some silly passive-aggressive status update about how love is pain and life isn’t fair or whatever.

Everyone knows who you’re talking about, including who you’re talking about.

If you have a grievance, say it to the person you’re upset with.

For that matter, stop airing your clean laundry. Spend your energy showing your love to the person you love, not telling the fickle Internet.

7. Stop thinking that one person can be everything someone needs.

It’s a wonderful idea. It’s very romantic. It’s beautiful, poetic, and if it were true, it would be completely disastrous because it would hinge the entirety of one’s happiness on the most fragile vessel possible: another human being.

Couples must take care to not drown each other or in each other. Predicating all of your happiness on someone else isn’t just unrealistic, it’s dangerous and unfair: That is a huge burden to place on another person.

Have outside interests and separate lives. You don’t have to love the same things. Why would you? You can appreciate someone’s love for something without having to participate in it.

While it’s important to have shared interests and passions, you don’t have to do every single thing together. Be your own complete person: that’s what your partner fell in love with.

How to Deal with an Indecisive Partner

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Sometimes, you wonder why you can never decide on something and then realize that it’s not you – it’s your partner. Here’s how you can deal with it. Indecisiveness is a common trait among many people. But little did we know that there is an underlying cause to this slightly annoying habit.

Women, in particular, seem to be drawn to indecisive men because these men have an air of mystery and are challenging. Who doesn’t love a mysterious challenge, right? Well once in a while it may be nice, but when it’s all the time, what do you do? Here’s your guide to dealing with an indecisive man!

Like a Moth to the Flame

If indecisive men annoy you, stop dating them! When you’re with someone, you tend to think about them a lot. Did you know that when the brain has one person in its thoughts on a regular basis, it tricks itself into thinking that person must be important? The end result can be the feeling of attraction, infatuation or love.

So how can you avoid feeling love when you shouldn’t? Date more than one guy at a time! Get to know each of them and when you find one who isn’t indecisive (and great in other ways), dump the others and date this guy exclusively. You can quit indecisive guys for good!

Make Him See the Consequences of His Indecision

When a guy is indecisive, it’s often the result of a past relationship with a woman (an ex or his mother) who made all the decisions for him. These guys seek guidance and assurance in everything and anything they do. One way to turn this around is to show him the consequences of his indecision. Let him know that being indecisive is actually a decision. It’s the decision to shrink the number of responsibilities he has and it’s the decision to not want to be responsible for the outcome of anything. Show him how being indecisive leads to regrets. He could regret not acting at all more than acting and making a poor decision.

I’ll quote the great philosopher, Mr. Miyagi (The Karate Kid) here: “Walk on road, hmm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later—get squish just like grape.”

Clearly, being indecisive isn’t the best choice.

Encouragement

Indecisive guys can be changed, but it’s up to you to help them! Are you up to the challenge? If you are, try giving your indecisive guy small decisions to make throughout the day. You could ask him to help you pick out what shirt to wear to work. You could ask him to help you decide what you two should have for dinner. As he gains confidence, give him harder choices to make, like where to take your next vacation together or which family to visit for the holidays.

Never scold him for the decisions he makes! The point is to get him to make decisions. So even if he picks a red shirt for you (when you would have preferred a blue one), don’t give him a hard time. And if he makes a decision that doesn’t work out well, don’t dwell on it. Let him know it’s okay and move on.

Deadlock Times

If your indecisive guy is trying to get you to make a decision instead, don’t fall for it! Do a coin toss! Literally take a coin out of of your purse and toss it in the air. For example, if you asked your indecisive guy to decide where to go for dinner, heads would be one place, while tails would be the other. Toss the coin in the air (not at you guy, even if you want to really badly) and let the coin decide. When you leave the decision up to the fate of a coin toss, you’re showing your guy that the decision that needs to be made isn’t a big one.

Bladder Half Full?

One study suggests that most anyone makes their best decisions while their bladder is over 50 percent full. This can be particularly helpful for an indecisive guy. According to researchers, the bladder-half-full trick seems to help people rationalize their decisions, and make choices they will be happier with in the end. They have not been able to pinpoint exactly what it is about a half-full bladder that creates this heightened sense of right and wrong. But rather than ponder this mystery, pour your indecisive guy a tall drink, move far away from the restroom, and then ask him the important questions!

Knowing Gemini: Everything About the Twins

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Gemini, the sign of the Twins, is dual-natured, elusive, complex and contradictory. On the one hand it produces the virtue of versatility and on the other the vices of two-facedness and flightiness. The sign is linked with Mercury, the planet of childhood and youth, and its subjects tend to have the graces and faults of the young. When they are good, they are very attractive; when they are bad they are more the worse for being the charmers they are.

Let’s take a detailed look at Gemini’s profile — its qualities and complexities. Here’s your Gemini profile!

They Are Curious

Intellectually complex and exciting, those born under the sign of Gemini will keep you on your toes. It’s not just that they’re quick thinking and fast-talking; The Twins possess a singular curiosity that drives everything they do. This is a sign that wants to know as much as they can about as many subjects as they can—not in depth, but at least in passing. Do you have a lot of interests?

They Are Good Conversationalists

Gemini is a great conversationalist. They’re adept at chit chat and are good listeners. The downside, however, is that they bore easily and may lose interest if you can’t keep up. It takes a lot of energy to handle a Gemini! But if you can keep up with them, it’s an exciting ride. Have people described you as overwhelming?

They Set the Agenda

A mutable Air Sign, Gemini is quick to change gears in whatever they do. While they usually want to set the agenda (romantically, professionally, personally), that agenda may be hard to predict or pin down. You have to accept this as part of doing business (of any kind) with The Twins.

They Are Terrific Problem Solvers

Geminis have an uncanny ability to see all sides of an issue. This makes them terrific problem solvers and excellent planners. While the ride may feel a bit haphazard and scattered, odds are good they have a map in place that will avoid disaster.

They Collect Data

Geminis are master filers of information. They collect data at amazing rates (so all that listening actually registers), and pull out the right tidbit when you least expect it. As a result of their super-computer minds, The Twins have a tendency to come off as a know-it-all, even when they don’t mean things that way. Fortunately, they don’t take themselves too seriously. Any offense taken will quickly dissipate when they’ve moved on to the next subject. It’s their Air Sign nature.

Intellectual, yet youthfully exuberant, The Twins are a rare combination of higher and lower selves—an energy that makes them worthy of being represented not by a single symbol, but by two individuals.

5 More Meaningful Christmas Gifts

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Every year, shoppers engage in the annual dilemma of what gifts to give to their friends, families and loved ones during the holiday season. During an economic recession, the difficulty is only exacerbated. Whether you’re trying to save money this year, or are looking for a valid excuse to give something more meaningful to the ones you care about, here’s a short list of things that you might find more meaningful to give during the holidays this year — some cost nothing, and others cost only as much as you are willing to give.

Give Time

Have you ever felt like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done? You’re not the only one, and many of us tend to feel like we have even less time during the holiday season. With this is mind, something as simple as the gift of your precious time can be a very meaningful gift to give. Your time may be precious, but it will be so appreciated and even more precious to someone who needs it.

Give Understanding

This holiday season, put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Give them your sincere understanding. Lend your ears and offer empathy and compassion when someone else is going through a hard time or facing a challenge. A gift of sympathy and understanding goes a long way.

Give an Apology

An apology goes a long way to rectify a strained relationship. An apology is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it’s a sign of strength, courage and self-confidence. An apology is not an indication that you are giving up. It’s not a sign that you aren’t unwavering and steadfast in your determination. You are overcoming a natural stubbornness when you apologize. Your apology may even inspire someone to apologize to you.

Give Forgiveness

One can find great courage and strength in offering forgiveness—even to those who are undeserving of it. Forgiveness is the act of disconnecting oneself from the destructive and negative emotions of being hurt by another. When you forgive, you are no longer vengeful, bitter, vindictive, angry or resentful. You can either just decide to let the hurt go, or you can actively seek out the person in order to make amends and reconcile. Like an apology, forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength, self-confidence and humanity.

Give Thanks

Routinely reflecting upon one’s thankfulness is a humbling practice. Reminding yourself regularly of your gifts, advantages and privileges in life (however big or small) helps you focus on what is most important in life. And when you are thankful for what you have, you will want to give to others with a great deal of love.

I hope you give and receive these kinds of meaningful gifts this holiday season.

Do You Hate Your Boyfriend’s Friends?

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When you get into a relationship with someone, you also develop relationships with their friends. It can be a little intimidating to meet your boo’s friends, but remember that they’re probably scared to meet yours too. You might really hit it off with your partner’s friends. Or you might not.

You are going to have to deal with his friends in some capacity until he outgrows them or until you can reach an acceptance of them and tolerance of their behavior. The reasons you might dislike his friends are many. You might have to accept that there are reasons why they may or may not like you. But if you are growing closer to commitment to this one guy as his true love or possible soulmate, you must look at the whole picture. And that begins by looking in the mirror.

Four Things to Ask Yourself

Are you being too possessive?
Are his friends a symbol for the part of him that you cannot control? Do you also have trouble with some of his family or his parents? Affirmative answers here signal that you need to change your attitude first before his friends and relations are to be judged.
Are you really ready for a deep relationship?
While friends reflect a lot about a person, there is a degree of social tolerance we should have for those closest to us. If you are offended by the people he associates with, perhaps your aspirations for love are more superficial than those you should have for a great catch of a guy. If your version of love includes him changing for you, but you not changing for him, that is called “domineering” … not “loving.”
Do you want to be the center of attention?
If your man is giving his focus, energy and attention to his friends, could your negative feelings have to do with wanting all that attention focused on you? Being honest about what you expect is mandatory, but more importantly, it is the first step to being realistic about what you can expect in a relationship.
Are his friends projecting the wrong image?
Is part of your love for this man the image he projects? If you place a lot of importance on image, you may find deeper love a tough thing to hold onto. His friends might not meet the image you have for your ideal partner, but this idealized image is actually a projection of your ego onto your man. Your attraction to him is a reflection of your self-image being reflected back. His friends might be fogging up that mirror, but to make demands of him based on your ego’s superficial aspirations may be farther from love than a relationship is capable of handling. Is your goal to change him? If your goal is to change him more than it is to love him, what does that say about you? Not liking his friends may be a symptom of not really liking him.

Three Causes Rooted in Him or His Friends

Are his friends trying to sabotage your relationship?
Did he break up with a girl who was close to some of his friends? This is a warning sign that you might not be imagining animosity aimed at you. Is the attention he gives you coming at the expense of a friend or two who are sensitive and not adapting to this change well? Try to be objective and realistic. Avoid paranoid conclusions. Assume that his friends are operating on your behalf and will be happy for their friend to be happy. How do possibilities of sabotage appear now?
Is there an objective reason not to like these friends?
Have you discovered that your new boyfriend associates with dangerous people? Is there an absolute boundary being crossed in the character of the people who he chooses to call his friends? While some women have high tolerances for behavior, if a man’s friends pose a threat of danger, that energy will likely be visited on you and/or your man. He may, though, secretly long for a woman who is strong enough to make an ultimatum and relieve him of being in harm’s way in the name of hanging out. But if not, why are you with someone who is associating with these people? Why would you want to be with a man who is spineless about standing up to those who would put you in danger or is apathetic to your needs?
What is his role in maintaining friendships that are offensive to you?
If you have been with him for a while and voiced your displeasure at some of the company he keeps, he may be as much to blame as his friends for maintaining these annoyances. Is he trying to keep a barrier to intimacy front and center by spending time with buddies of his that you just don’t get along with? Does he prefer you to nag him about his friends instead of risking the possibility that you would criticize other things about him that might be more important to his ego? Remember: some of the negativity comes from you and some of it comes from his friends, but a little or a lot of it also comes from him.

Three Rules to Show You Are Making an Effort

If the stumbling block is not you, the friends are not posing an immediate threat and he is well adjusted to the relationship enough to not be using his friends as a defense mechanism, you must make an effort to go with the flow.

Allow Guy Time
A man has to get together with the guys. This must be allowed. A weekly poker game or barhop is not the end of the world. Please note that this is not a guys and “some girls” night out. You can draw the line there and keep him happy with the wide latitude of time with just the guys.
Embrace Mixed Minglers
The problem with not liking his friends is not getting to meet all of them and finding out what situations bring out the best in people. Your boyfriend may spend time with a negative friend out of habit or convenience. When prompted to keep in touch with a wider circle of his friends, you may find that the irritating buddies are the exception and not the rule. You may discover you like his circle of friends. In fact, he might rediscover how much he likes the company of these people.
Ignore the Troublemakers
There may just be a bad match with some of his friends and you can work to avoid these people. It is easier than it seems; there are errands to be run and friends of yours to be visited whenever this unlikable friend comes around. If he is not creating harm, let the relationship stand.