How to Overcome Escapism

Take a good look at your life now. Is there anything you are trying to avoid dealing with? Your work? Your responsibilities? Your relationships? Your singlehood if you are single? Your deteriorating health? Your poor dietary habits? Your poor exercise regime? Your lackluster financial status? Your goals? Your aspirations? Your personal issues? Your past?

Escapism occurs when you try to avoid something. It can come in different forms. Some people escape by seeking out alternate activities, such as sleeping and playing. Some drown themselves in work. Some immerse themselves in addiction, such as emotional eating (bingeing), smoking, alcohol or even drugs. Some physically run away from their homes. Some may even go as far as to migrate to a new place where they can start ‘afresh’.

You Can’t Hide From Yourself Forever

I’ve learned that no matter how much I tried to hide or run away from the things I didn’t like about myself, those things still found a way to creep in. Eventually, escapism stopped working for me and I was left with nowhere else to hide. I had to face the things I was in denial about. I felt lonely, angry, betrayed, and anxious at first and it was painful. But it was what I needed to go through in order to reestablish trust within myself. I had forgotten to be kind to myself.

Exploring Your Inner Workings

I took a staycation. I explored my inner workings and let whatever insecurities I had arise and be released with love. I advise you to do the same. Get in the habit of doing something lovely for yourself every day. Take a long walk or soak in an inviting bath. Build a relationship with yourself.

Discover Limitlessness

Slowly, I began to enjoy my awkward nature. I learned to embrace my flaws. I accepted and even enjoyed being a “party of one.” After all, it was ludicrous to think that everyone else would accept me when I was essentially rejecting myself. If you embrace yourself, you will discover that you are limitless.

A Higher Vibrational Experience

Having no limits can be intimidating at first, but if you release yourself from the prison within, you can have a higher vibrational experience. New doors will open for you if you stay present and authentic with yourself. If you have an authentic connection with yourself, you will have authentic connections with the people around you. Authenticity is a powerful tool of self-love and manifestation.

Give Yourself What You Give to Others

You are the vehicle for your success and the gasoline is the thoughts that propel you forward toward an exciting new adventure. So learn to give yourself what you give to others. Never exclude yourself! Give yourself the same faith, love, respect and trust that you give to others.

How To Deal With Anger in a Healthy Way

Do you lose your temper and wonder why? Are there days when you feel like you just wake up angry?

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

Instead of keeping your anger to yourself and letting it fester, why not try these healthy alternatives for healing anger?

Vent, Cry or Shout

When you feel angry, vent your emotions to someone you trust, whether it be a friend, family member, psychic, partner or counselor. Don’t take your anger out on strangers or random people. People who you know and trust will have compassion for your situation. They will respect your feelings and let you get whatever you need to off your chest without judgement. They can help you feel free once again.

Don’t be afraid to cry. Crying is an extremely healthy way of releasing emotion. It’s something you can do on your own, or in front of someone you love or trust. Don’t view crying as a sign of weakness, because it isn’t!

Shout it out! Don’t shout at random strangers in public places though. Instead, go to a quiet place where you know you’re alone, like among tress in a forest or on a deserted beach at sunrise. Yell at the top of your lungs and say exactly what’s on your mind. You’ll feel great afterwards and an amazing weight will have been lifted off your shoulders.

Exercise

If your anger is making you feel aggressive, take it out on a workout. Go running, hop on a bike or take a kickboxing class. Concentrate all your negative, strong feelings on making yourself sweat. Exercise until you’re too tired to be angry anymore. Not only is exercise physically therapeutic, it also does wonders for your mental and emotional health as well. It’s great for those who don’t feel like talking.

Learn to Let Go

As I said before, holding on to anger is not healthy and it can even make you sick. You need to learn to let go of the anger. If you don’t let it go, you’ll never be at peace. You’ll always feel haunted. In order to let go of the anger, you need to reflect on it and you can do this with professional help, whether it be a therapist, religious leader, or your trusted psychic. You can also try meditation and journaling.

It’s perfectly okay to be angry. When someone wrongs you or when things don’t go your way, you have a right to be mad. But what you do with that anger is what’s most important. Don’t ignore or suppress your feelings. Don’t worry about making others happy. Express your anger and do it in a healthy way in order to have your inner peace restored.

7 Things That Poison Your Relationship

Despite truly wanting to have happy and harmonious committed relationships or marriages, many people inadvertently stress and even destroy theirs by injecting them with steady doses of interpersonal poison.

Unlike blatant acts of abuse, deceit, or infidelity, the major problem with these destructive behaviors is that they are so insidious and subtle that by the time their ill effects are noticed, the damage has already been done. Similar to a drop of water, that by itself is of little consequence, but over time can erode solid rock or corrode thick iron, the steady drip, drip, drip of these toxic habits can destroy even a once-strong relationship.

Here’s a list of 7 poisons in a relationship:

1. Stop snooping.

That’s right. You need to stop snooping. Insecurity will kill a relationship faster than anything else.

Don’t read your girlfriend’s email.

Don’t check your boyfriend’s phone.

Don’t go through your lover’s search history.

Quit looking at what pictures they favorited on Instagram.

And don’t go through a woman’s purse.

If it’s not yours, there’s a simple rule to follow: Leave. It. Alone.

Insecurity breeds insecurity.

If you’re in a relationship, trust the person you’re with. If you think they’re screwing around or if you don’t trust them, the only things you need to be looking into are your motivations for staying and your trust issues. Don’t punish your significant other for whatever your exes did.

Stop snooping. It’s unhealthy and it will only create distrust.

2. Stop being jealous.

They’re with you, right?

If you’re jealous every time your significant other wants to go have a night out with friends or lunch with a co-worker, you’re only gonna shut down any kind of meaningful communication if someone else ever does come along.

Let’s say his boss hits on him, but you’ve been acting crazy. You think he’s going to tell you and risk you coming to his job to block and cause a scene?

Nope.

Or what if that guy friend of hers who just broke up with his girlfriend and keeps wanting to have lunch with her actually DOES make a move, but you’ve already been accusing her of running around? Do you think she’s gonna confide in you?

Nope.

Seriously. Calm down.

Keep your insecurities in check. If you’re jealous, try this: SAY THAT YOU ARE JEALOUS AND EXPLAIN WHY. You’d be surprised at how well communication can work in a relationship.

3. Stop treating your fights like wars: Be careful when you argue.

Never, ever betray your intimacy in a fight by getting personal.

You know each other’s weaknesses. You know each other’s secrets.

It’s easy to get caught up in anger and say things you don’t mean in the heat of the moment, but that doesn’t make it okay.

Try to understand the issue; try to understand each other. Fight the problem together.

You know each other’s vulnerabilities.

You have the power to hurt your significant other. Don’t ever use it.

It’s a huge violation of trust that will cause damage that you will not be able to repair.

On that note…

4. Stop bringing up past fights and old injuries.

Is bringing up what they said three months ago when you were both angry going to solve whatever you’re going through right now? No, it won’t.

Is telling them that you’re still pissed that they were inconsiderately late for your grandfather’s birthday dinner last year going to serve any constructive purpose? No, it won’t.

Holding onto a litany of things you’re angry about so that you can use them as ammunition later isn’t just unhealthy — it’s positively toxic. Don’t bring up past fights.

Let that stuff go.

5. Stop making threats and ultimatums just to control your significant other’s actions.

Engaging in emotional terrorism is never a good idea. Don’t hold your significant other hostage with threats of breaking up, divorcing, throwing all their stuff out into the yard, suicide, homicide, telling all your mutual friends how evil they are, or anything else that even remotely resembles any of these things.

Just don’t do it.

And if it’s done to you, don’t tolerate it. Walk away.

6. Stop airing your dirty laundry on social media.

There’s really no need to subtweet about how “some people should probably start locking their phones” or leaving some silly passive-aggressive status update about how love is pain and life isn’t fair or whatever.

Everyone knows who you’re talking about, including who you’re talking about.

If you have a grievance, say it to the person you’re upset with.

For that matter, stop airing your clean laundry. Spend your energy showing your love to the person you love, not telling the fickle Internet.

7. Stop thinking that one person can be everything someone needs.

It’s a wonderful idea. It’s very romantic. It’s beautiful, poetic, and if it were true, it would be completely disastrous because it would hinge the entirety of one’s happiness on the most fragile vessel possible: another human being.

Couples must take care to not drown each other or in each other. Predicating all of your happiness on someone else isn’t just unrealistic, it’s dangerous and unfair: That is a huge burden to place on another person.

Have outside interests and separate lives. You don’t have to love the same things. Why would you? You can appreciate someone’s love for something without having to participate in it.

While it’s important to have shared interests and passions, you don’t have to do every single thing together. Be your own complete person: that’s what your partner fell in love with.

How to Deal with an Indecisive Partner

Sometimes, you wonder why you can never decide on something and then realize that it’s not you – it’s your partner. Here’s how you can deal with it. Indecisiveness is a common trait among many people. But little did we know that there is an underlying cause to this slightly annoying habit.

Women, in particular, seem to be drawn to indecisive men because these men have an air of mystery and are challenging. Who doesn’t love a mysterious challenge, right? Well once in a while it may be nice, but when it’s all the time, what do you do? Here’s your guide to dealing with an indecisive man!

Like a Moth to the Flame

If indecisive men annoy you, stop dating them! When you’re with someone, you tend to think about them a lot. Did you know that when the brain has one person in its thoughts on a regular basis, it tricks itself into thinking that person must be important? The end result can be the feeling of attraction, infatuation or love.

So how can you avoid feeling love when you shouldn’t? Date more than one guy at a time! Get to know each of them and when you find one who isn’t indecisive (and great in other ways), dump the others and date this guy exclusively. You can quit indecisive guys for good!

Make Him See the Consequences of His Indecision

When a guy is indecisive, it’s often the result of a past relationship with a woman (an ex or his mother) who made all the decisions for him. These guys seek guidance and assurance in everything and anything they do. One way to turn this around is to show him the consequences of his indecision. Let him know that being indecisive is actually a decision. It’s the decision to shrink the number of responsibilities he has and it’s the decision to not want to be responsible for the outcome of anything. Show him how being indecisive leads to regrets. He could regret not acting at all more than acting and making a poor decision.

I’ll quote the great philosopher, Mr. Miyagi (The Karate Kid) here: “Walk on road, hmm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later—get squish just like grape.”

Clearly, being indecisive isn’t the best choice.

Encouragement

Indecisive guys can be changed, but it’s up to you to help them! Are you up to the challenge? If you are, try giving your indecisive guy small decisions to make throughout the day. You could ask him to help you pick out what shirt to wear to work. You could ask him to help you decide what you two should have for dinner. As he gains confidence, give him harder choices to make, like where to take your next vacation together or which family to visit for the holidays.

Never scold him for the decisions he makes! The point is to get him to make decisions. So even if he picks a red shirt for you (when you would have preferred a blue one), don’t give him a hard time. And if he makes a decision that doesn’t work out well, don’t dwell on it. Let him know it’s okay and move on.

Deadlock Times

If your indecisive guy is trying to get you to make a decision instead, don’t fall for it! Do a coin toss! Literally take a coin out of of your purse and toss it in the air. For example, if you asked your indecisive guy to decide where to go for dinner, heads would be one place, while tails would be the other. Toss the coin in the air (not at you guy, even if you want to really badly) and let the coin decide. When you leave the decision up to the fate of a coin toss, you’re showing your guy that the decision that needs to be made isn’t a big one.

Bladder Half Full?

One study suggests that most anyone makes their best decisions while their bladder is over 50 percent full. This can be particularly helpful for an indecisive guy. According to researchers, the bladder-half-full trick seems to help people rationalize their decisions, and make choices they will be happier with in the end. They have not been able to pinpoint exactly what it is about a half-full bladder that creates this heightened sense of right and wrong. But rather than ponder this mystery, pour your indecisive guy a tall drink, move far away from the restroom, and then ask him the important questions!

Knowing Gemini: Everything About the Twins

Gemini, the sign of the Twins, is dual-natured, elusive, complex and contradictory. On the one hand it produces the virtue of versatility and on the other the vices of two-facedness and flightiness. The sign is linked with Mercury, the planet of childhood and youth, and its subjects tend to have the graces and faults of the young. When they are good, they are very attractive; when they are bad they are more the worse for being the charmers they are.

Let’s take a detailed look at Gemini’s profile — its qualities and complexities. Here’s your Gemini profile!

They Are Curious

Intellectually complex and exciting, those born under the sign of Gemini will keep you on your toes. It’s not just that they’re quick thinking and fast-talking; The Twins possess a singular curiosity that drives everything they do. This is a sign that wants to know as much as they can about as many subjects as they can—not in depth, but at least in passing. Do you have a lot of interests?

They Are Good Conversationalists

Gemini is a great conversationalist. They’re adept at chit chat and are good listeners. The downside, however, is that they bore easily and may lose interest if you can’t keep up. It takes a lot of energy to handle a Gemini! But if you can keep up with them, it’s an exciting ride. Have people described you as overwhelming?

They Set the Agenda

A mutable Air Sign, Gemini is quick to change gears in whatever they do. While they usually want to set the agenda (romantically, professionally, personally), that agenda may be hard to predict or pin down. You have to accept this as part of doing business (of any kind) with The Twins.

They Are Terrific Problem Solvers

Geminis have an uncanny ability to see all sides of an issue. This makes them terrific problem solvers and excellent planners. While the ride may feel a bit haphazard and scattered, odds are good they have a map in place that will avoid disaster.

They Collect Data

Geminis are master filers of information. They collect data at amazing rates (so all that listening actually registers), and pull out the right tidbit when you least expect it. As a result of their super-computer minds, The Twins have a tendency to come off as a know-it-all, even when they don’t mean things that way. Fortunately, they don’t take themselves too seriously. Any offense taken will quickly dissipate when they’ve moved on to the next subject. It’s their Air Sign nature.

Intellectual, yet youthfully exuberant, The Twins are a rare combination of higher and lower selves—an energy that makes them worthy of being represented not by a single symbol, but by two individuals.

5 More Meaningful Christmas Gifts

Every year, shoppers engage in the annual dilemma of what gifts to give to their friends, families and loved ones during the holiday season. During an economic recession, the difficulty is only exacerbated. Whether you’re trying to save money this year, or are looking for a valid excuse to give something more meaningful to the ones you care about, here’s a short list of things that you might find more meaningful to give during the holidays this year — some cost nothing, and others cost only as much as you are willing to give.

Give Time

Have you ever felt like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done? You’re not the only one, and many of us tend to feel like we have even less time during the holiday season. With this is mind, something as simple as the gift of your precious time can be a very meaningful gift to give. Your time may be precious, but it will be so appreciated and even more precious to someone who needs it.

Give Understanding

This holiday season, put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Give them your sincere understanding. Lend your ears and offer empathy and compassion when someone else is going through a hard time or facing a challenge. A gift of sympathy and understanding goes a long way.

Give an Apology

An apology goes a long way to rectify a strained relationship. An apology is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it’s a sign of strength, courage and self-confidence. An apology is not an indication that you are giving up. It’s not a sign that you aren’t unwavering and steadfast in your determination. You are overcoming a natural stubbornness when you apologize. Your apology may even inspire someone to apologize to you.

Give Forgiveness

One can find great courage and strength in offering forgiveness—even to those who are undeserving of it. Forgiveness is the act of disconnecting oneself from the destructive and negative emotions of being hurt by another. When you forgive, you are no longer vengeful, bitter, vindictive, angry or resentful. You can either just decide to let the hurt go, or you can actively seek out the person in order to make amends and reconcile. Like an apology, forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength, self-confidence and humanity.

Give Thanks

Routinely reflecting upon one’s thankfulness is a humbling practice. Reminding yourself regularly of your gifts, advantages and privileges in life (however big or small) helps you focus on what is most important in life. And when you are thankful for what you have, you will want to give to others with a great deal of love.

I hope you give and receive these kinds of meaningful gifts this holiday season.

Do You Hate Your Boyfriend’s Friends?

When you get into a relationship with someone, you also develop relationships with their friends. It can be a little intimidating to meet your boo’s friends, but remember that they’re probably scared to meet yours too. You might really hit it off with your partner’s friends. Or you might not.

You are going to have to deal with his friends in some capacity until he outgrows them or until you can reach an acceptance of them and tolerance of their behavior. The reasons you might dislike his friends are many. You might have to accept that there are reasons why they may or may not like you. But if you are growing closer to commitment to this one guy as his true love or possible soulmate, you must look at the whole picture. And that begins by looking in the mirror.

Four Things to Ask Yourself

Are you being too possessive?
Are his friends a symbol for the part of him that you cannot control? Do you also have trouble with some of his family or his parents? Affirmative answers here signal that you need to change your attitude first before his friends and relations are to be judged.
Are you really ready for a deep relationship?
While friends reflect a lot about a person, there is a degree of social tolerance we should have for those closest to us. If you are offended by the people he associates with, perhaps your aspirations for love are more superficial than those you should have for a great catch of a guy. If your version of love includes him changing for you, but you not changing for him, that is called “domineering” … not “loving.”
Do you want to be the center of attention?
If your man is giving his focus, energy and attention to his friends, could your negative feelings have to do with wanting all that attention focused on you? Being honest about what you expect is mandatory, but more importantly, it is the first step to being realistic about what you can expect in a relationship.
Are his friends projecting the wrong image?
Is part of your love for this man the image he projects? If you place a lot of importance on image, you may find deeper love a tough thing to hold onto. His friends might not meet the image you have for your ideal partner, but this idealized image is actually a projection of your ego onto your man. Your attraction to him is a reflection of your self-image being reflected back. His friends might be fogging up that mirror, but to make demands of him based on your ego’s superficial aspirations may be farther from love than a relationship is capable of handling. Is your goal to change him? If your goal is to change him more than it is to love him, what does that say about you? Not liking his friends may be a symptom of not really liking him.

Three Causes Rooted in Him or His Friends

Are his friends trying to sabotage your relationship?
Did he break up with a girl who was close to some of his friends? This is a warning sign that you might not be imagining animosity aimed at you. Is the attention he gives you coming at the expense of a friend or two who are sensitive and not adapting to this change well? Try to be objective and realistic. Avoid paranoid conclusions. Assume that his friends are operating on your behalf and will be happy for their friend to be happy. How do possibilities of sabotage appear now?
Is there an objective reason not to like these friends?
Have you discovered that your new boyfriend associates with dangerous people? Is there an absolute boundary being crossed in the character of the people who he chooses to call his friends? While some women have high tolerances for behavior, if a man’s friends pose a threat of danger, that energy will likely be visited on you and/or your man. He may, though, secretly long for a woman who is strong enough to make an ultimatum and relieve him of being in harm’s way in the name of hanging out. But if not, why are you with someone who is associating with these people? Why would you want to be with a man who is spineless about standing up to those who would put you in danger or is apathetic to your needs?
What is his role in maintaining friendships that are offensive to you?
If you have been with him for a while and voiced your displeasure at some of the company he keeps, he may be as much to blame as his friends for maintaining these annoyances. Is he trying to keep a barrier to intimacy front and center by spending time with buddies of his that you just don’t get along with? Does he prefer you to nag him about his friends instead of risking the possibility that you would criticize other things about him that might be more important to his ego? Remember: some of the negativity comes from you and some of it comes from his friends, but a little or a lot of it also comes from him.

Three Rules to Show You Are Making an Effort

If the stumbling block is not you, the friends are not posing an immediate threat and he is well adjusted to the relationship enough to not be using his friends as a defense mechanism, you must make an effort to go with the flow.

Allow Guy Time
A man has to get together with the guys. This must be allowed. A weekly poker game or barhop is not the end of the world. Please note that this is not a guys and “some girls” night out. You can draw the line there and keep him happy with the wide latitude of time with just the guys.
Embrace Mixed Minglers
The problem with not liking his friends is not getting to meet all of them and finding out what situations bring out the best in people. Your boyfriend may spend time with a negative friend out of habit or convenience. When prompted to keep in touch with a wider circle of his friends, you may find that the irritating buddies are the exception and not the rule. You may discover you like his circle of friends. In fact, he might rediscover how much he likes the company of these people.
Ignore the Troublemakers
There may just be a bad match with some of his friends and you can work to avoid these people. It is easier than it seems; there are errands to be run and friends of yours to be visited whenever this unlikable friend comes around. If he is not creating harm, let the relationship stand.

Dating A Man Who is Still in the Process of Divorce

download (6) While dating can be a challenging and confusing time for anyone, adding a man who is separated, but still married, can make things even more complicated. Some women choose to avoid this situation altogether, vowing to only date men who are free and clear. However, sometimes the right man comes along and, even though he is still technically married, you wish to pursue a relationship with him. While he is still legally married, though, it is important to be careful.

The first question that must be answered is: Why is he getting a divorce and what is the timeline? This is important and he will be talking about it, so listen with a keen intensity when he does. Here is a checklist:

Is There No Going Back to Her?

12183324_f520 You must be definite that he is actually getting a divorce and has not just taken a few weeks off from his marriage to “find himself” or “get space.” Are papers being filed or served? Has a lawyer been retained? Any reports of progress are a green light that he is headed in the right direction as a possible partner for you. Any stalling, or worse, attempts at reconciliation are red lights for you to put a stop to seeing him until he is officially, legally single. If he cannot or will not follow through on this, what kind of follow through will he have in regards to his commitment to you?

Is His Baggage Welcome at Your Hotel?

Why is he getting a divorce? Does he acknowledge his role in the marriage falling apart? That is a big plus. Did they try couples counseling? If so, that tells you that he is willing to work on disagreements as well as letting you know that the divorce was not a rash decision. If he says phrases like, “I’m not perfect” or “I really tried,” take these as cues that his relationship with you will also feature him making an effort when needed.

images (18) If his discussion of the divorce is a one hundred percent blaming of his soon-to-be ex-wife, take a step back. It takes two to tango. If, at the core, the problem with his wife was a drug or alcohol problem, she may be responsible for a big part of the breakup, but he may have developed co-dependent tendencies. This means that he needs to be part of a relationship drama instead of part of a relationship. Again, counseling for someone in a relationship with heavy addiction issues is a must and any insistence that, “I’m not crazy, she’s the one that’s crazy,” is a rehearsal for his lines in the movie that might become your life if you stick with him and he continues to live in denial about his role in things going bad.

If he flat out does not know what went wrong with the marriage or is evasive, insist he get to the bottom of it with you. You do not want to make a commitment to him and then find out he is likely to keep secrets from you or to check out and be so absent from the relationship that he will be surprised to find out one day that you, like his wife, is no longer there. Of course, in his defense, she may have put on a good act and left him as a devious surprise to maximize his pain and to give her a stronger position in the divorce proceedings. Find out what you can about the timeline of how and why it ended. Does everything add up?

Is He Hungry to Grow?

In his discussions of his divorce, you should be able to see her side of the story at least a little and observe the habits of his that angered her. There are habits that carry serious ramifications and others that are of little to no consequence. If she disapproved of his going to church on Sunday mornings, that tells you she was looking to end things regardless of his commitment. If she left him because he did not have a job, that is a red flag – does he have a job now? Is his idea of a relationship to be a lazy slug and mooch off his lover?

Can you mentally compare how he is now with how you perceive him to have been just a few months or years ago when the marriage crumbled? Does it sound like he was a heavier drinker then and is now sober or cutting back his drinking? Does he have bouts of anger that might indicate his ex-wife was afraid of him? Is he timid and easily swayed and you can see that a lack of a spine is what allowed a manipulative wife to get everything she could from him before she fled?

Be Ready to Listen

man-listening-to-his-lady-talk Most men going through a divorce will talk about it all the time. You might actually become a mini-expert on your state’s legal nuances involving separation and community property. He will be venting and venting. This is often a turnoff, but you can make this time matter for you in addition to just being a shoulder to cry on. Listen carefully to what he says about the judge’s rulings; the law is based on reasonable expectations. If he is complaining about getting railroaded by “the system,” it could indicate that he is too cheap to pay for a good lawyer. Do you want to be with a man who is a big cheapskate? Complaints about the judge also indicate that he was unreasonable in the marriage and/or separation. Dig deeper with casual questions centering on why the judge would do what he did. If he brings up conspiracy theories or convoluted logic, these are signs of a paranoid manipulator. If he is happy to see things going along at a predictable pace, this is a man who does not relish conflict, and who also does not back down from seeing a task through – quite a good catch no matter what his recent circumstances have been.

One Last Word of Advice

If he puts pressure on you to allow him to move in with you – especially if the source of his rent is dubious – follow the advice of one strong woman’s grandmother: “don’t fatten frogs for snakes” … Don’t just let him move in without addressing his past in order for you to observe clues for your future.

5 Things You Should Not Apologize For

A life lived with regret is yours to miss. Never apologize for following a dream because that dream makes you who you are. You will never fulfill happiness unless you live your dreams instead of dreaming your life. Often, we apologize because we worry too much about what other people think, or because we put their feelings above our own needs. There are many situations where an apology is unnecessary.

Here are five things you don’t have to apologize for—no matter what:

Asking for What You Want or Need

How many times have you opened an everyday request with “I’m sorry to trouble you, but…”? Odds are good, it’s relatively often, especially at work. If you’re asking for something you want or need in order to do your job, you don’t owe anyone an apology. Constantly apologizing before you ask for something isn’t going to get you promoted or earn the respect of your co-workers. What you’re asking for is commonplace. If you’re just apologizing to be polite, know that there are other ways to be polite to your co-workers when asking them for something. Instead of saying you’re sorry, why not ask if it’s a good time to make a request. If they say yes, proceed with your question. If they say no, ask for a better time. No apology needed!

Going After Your Heart’s Desire

You only live once and you’ve only got one person to please—you. If you’re constantly apologizing to others for not living the life they want, stop. You don’t owe it to anyone to silence the song that plays in your soul, so stop apologizing for who you are and who you feel you’re destined to be. If you don’t live the life you want, you owe yourself an apology.

Giving an Honest Opinion

When a friend, colleague or loved one asks you for your opinion, don’t apologize for giving it. They asked for the truth, so you should be truthful! Just be sure to be gentle and kind with your opinion. Kindness and a gentleness go a long when when giving constructive feedback. If you apologize before you give your opinion, it means that you feel like what you are saying or doing is wrong. Since opinions aren’t facts, that can’t be the case. And you’re entitled to your opinion, so give it without apologizing!

Getting What You Want

What’s worse than apologizing for going after what you want? Try getting what you want and then apologizing for it afterwards! Success is not something to be embarrassed about, so don’t apologize for it as if you are ashamed of it. Success is something to be proud of, just don’t become boastful—that’s something to apologize for. If you’re not excited about your achievements, who will be?

Doing the Right Thing for Yourself

Being true to yourself should be your number-one priority. Even when faced with a difficult situation, you should go with your gut instinct and think about what’s best for you. Whether it’s breaking up with someone, refusing a job offer or any number of situations that could cause you to disappoint someone, you have to do what feels right and do it without apologizing. You can be truly sorry for the hurt or stress your decision causes, but you should never be sorry for making the best decision for yourself.

How Do You Value Your Privacy in Social Media?

Compromising Your Privacy in Social Media

Many people use one form of social media or another in order to keep in touch with family or friends; or to either be informed or to inform others about a variety of topics within the realm of entertainment, news, or any other topic of their choosing. But oftentimes social media is being abused and sometimes causes anxiety to many. Being said, if you don’t want to be stalked and you don’t want someone to invade your privacy — then disconnect.

Why Not Deactivate?

Many people will complain about their exes stalking them on social media sites but that is easily remedied with the click of a button. So why not just deactivate? It’s because they are engaging in the same activity! They are invading someone else’s privacy too! They feel they have an open window to crawl through where they can keep tabs on their current/former partners, friends and family. In most cases this causes confusion, frustration and anxiety because often times the information they are viewing is false. Some individuals will post inaccurate information in order to bring about a reaction from someone specific. It is a very manipulative maneuver and can also create negative karma.

Here are the types of people you’ll find on social media sites. Are you one of them?

The Attention Seeker

This is the person who is changing their profile picture every week or constantly posting photos of themselves in all different poses and there are several reasons for this. They want their connections to compliment them so that they can feel better about themselves or they want to sway a partner who they feel is drifting away from them back in their direction. If there are a number of compliments posted, the attention seeker hopes that the partner or ex partner will reconsider. This behavior is extremely manipulative and very transparent. It’s as if they want their privacy to be invaded.

The Storyteller

The storytellers love to air their dirty laundry. They also show their insecurities when it comes to relationships. They have no problem engaging in lengthy and negative banter for all to see with one or more of their connections. When in an unhealthy love relationship, they are extremely misleading. These individuals, who are very insecure, will consistently post information regarding the relationship—boasting how wonderful their partner is and how lucky they are to be with them. They will present many photos depicting the happy couple. This is their way of keeping others from interfering in the relationship which really means that there is trouble in paradise. If you are truly happy and secure with your partner, you do not need to broadcast your relationship all over these sites.

The Sentinel

This is the individual who very rarely comments or posts and, in fact, may not show any activity for months. In reality, they are watching everyone else all day long, every day of the week. They want to keep abreast of what is happening in the lives of others and hope that their privacy settings don’t prevent them from doing so. The sentinel usually does not have much of a social life or they are just plain nosy.

The Informer

The informer feels the need to keep every one of their social network connections up-to-date on every little thing they are doing at any given moment of the day and night. For example, they will let you know where they are, who they are with and the general mood of the activity. These are usually things no one else has an interest in knowing, such as where they are shopping for new shoes, when they are taking the dog to the vet or if they are waiting in the unemployment line. These are self-centered and very lonely people who simply want someone to care about them. They also become enraged if someone pokes fun at them for these worthless posts.

The Sympathy Junkie

These people will always put out information on the social media sites to provoke others to ask the question, “What’s wrong?” They will usually not get into specifics but will allude to some kind of dysfunction in their daily lives such as complaining about work or simply stating that they are depressed. They are very much like the attention seekers and there is usually a specific person that they want a reaction from. They always play the victim but hardly ever give specifics regarding what their problem is.

Value Your Privacy

Social media sites can be wonderful tools to connect with people from your past and stay connected to your current friends and family. But all too often these sites are used in a negative fashion. There is nothing wrong with sharing photos that are precious to you with those you care about but always exercise caution and remember that there are much better ways of communicating. Keep your intentions in check as well. Ask yourself if you are putting this information out to bring joy to someone or are you trying to push buttons. If you want to put information out there for your connections, try to make it something inspiring and uplifting. Think of posting something that will bring a smile to their faces and brighten their day. Spreading positive energy will bring happiness to you too. Remember that when you put intimate details of your life out there, you can be inviting trouble in.

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