When your head and your heart are at war, Do you follow your head or you’ll do what your heart’s desire? This may have stumped songwriters and philosophers for centuries, but don’t let that get to you. The answer is easy – both of them, of course!

In reality, our thoughts and our feelings are made of the same stuff – namely, all that squishy gray matter we keep upstairs. Our logic-based impulses are the domain of an area in the brain called the cerebral cortex, while our feelings originate just inches away in a group of neurons known as the amygdala. So in many ways our hearts and our heads are one and the same. It’s no wonder we feel so utterly torn when they they’re at odds!

Honor your instincts
When your head and your heart are pulling you in different directions, stop and take notice. The first step is to acknowledge your instincts – all of them. Instincts from your “head” are impulses you can explain. The ones in your “heart” might not be as clear yet – they may be “just a feeling” – but they’re no less valid.

Sometimes reservations are cerebral, like when you’re crazy about someone but you just can’t get past the fact that he’s cheated on other girlfriends. And you know it’s the “heart” at work when all systems are “go,” but you just don’t feel right about a new job or a left turn.

The magic sense
Intuition isn’t magic, but it’s pretty close. It’s what some neurologists refer to as pre-thought, or the ability of your mind to assemble information you haven’t consciously registered. You might have felt funny about the new boss because something in her body language belied dishonesty, or you avoided that narrow alley because you unconsciously picked up on a shadowy figure – or the lack of a ready escape route. That’s not to say you should start jumping at every shadow – just trust your instincts, and realize that those “feelings” are unrecognized thoughts. They’re there for a reason.

Understand your impulses
It’s not always easy – but once you identify them, it’s worthwhile to understand your impulses. It will make you a more self-aware person, and you’ll become more practiced at identifying your instincts and acting on them. Once you know that you distrust a coworker because they remind you of someone who betrayed you in the past, for instance, you can begin rebuilding a new, unprejudiced impression. If, on the other hand, you find that your distrust is rooted in the way he gossips about another associate, you can proceed in that relationship with caution.

Make a team effort
Think your feelings don’t have a role in a paper you’re writing, or a crucial business negotiation? Your ability to make sound judgments, choose powerful words and earn the confidence of associates are all under the jurisdiction of your less-logical, but equally powerful, intuition. And if you believe your analytical mind doesn’t get a say in matters of the heart, you’re depriving yourself of the benefit of all your previous experiences and observations – a pretty serious handicap.

The good news? You should never have to choose between your head and your heart. Either one alone can lead you into risky, uncertain situations – but when the two operate in concert, they result in what we usually call wisdom.

No matter how happy one’s relationship is, it couldn’t be safe from a danger of an affair. Depending on the source, somewhere around 50 percent of all relationships will succumb to the fate infidelity.

If you think you could never be part of these statistics, so do most people who end up among these numbers. It doesn’t matter how good-hearted, stable, honest, faithful, committed, and loving you’re partner is, they are still capable of fault.

Many things can happen in a relationship to trigger the need for a partner to turn towards infidelity, such as a lack of intimacy, communication, or attraction. While the cheater is often the most chastised for a fallen partnership (and should be in most cases), it should be noted that it takes two to create an environment susceptible to cheating. To safeguard your relationship, you need to know why people cheat, and how to discourage it. Here are six common rationales given for cheating, and suggestions on how to respond.

1. Because I’m Bored
Many relationships become less exciting, romantic, and intimate over time. Perhaps the couple married too young and now one partner wants to experiment, or maybe they are under the impression that everybody else is doing it anyway. Research suggests most couples think cheating is more prevalent than it is. Many thrill-seekers do it simply because they can get away with it. Perhaps they’ve tested the waters without repercussion, and now have decided to wade even deeper into the pits of infidelity.

The Fix
Don’t let your relationship get boring. A good relationship takes work. Never tolerate any amount of straying. You can’t give some people an inch, or they will take a mile. Set expectations, and uphold them like a mother lion protecting her den.

2. Because I Want to Get Caught
This cheater has a lot of issues. They are dependent on their partner, whether out of loneliness, identity, or financial support, and they obviously lack the courage to face their partner and tell them they want out. While they may not be able to bring themselves to break off the relationship, their body is doing its best to do it for them. Sometimes this form of infidelity can also be driven by the same type of pleasure as derived from sex in public.

The Fix
This person is very dangerous. Not only do they have zero regard for their partner, but they are completely focused on their own needs, rather than what’s best for the relationship. If you don’t face this person right away, this behavior could go on indefinitely. Seek counseling immediately, but if it is too late to salvage, just walk away.

3. Because You Hurt Me
Some people truly believe that you reap what you sew (an eye for an eye), or so they hope. Others would rather take it upon themselves to dole out the punishment. This is revenge pure and simple, with the primary purpose to get back at a partner for cheating or hurting them in a way they perceive as similar.

The Fix
Again, counseling is an option, though odds are not in your favor when your partner is so blatantly passive-aggressive. Whatever you do, don’t lower yourself to their level. If you really want to even the score, just move on with your life and find true happiness elsewhere.

4. Because You Aren’t Attracted to Me Anymore
These couples often have gone across the seven year itch, and no longer feel attractive to each other. Sometimes this occurs when one partner’s need for intimacy goes unmet, their libido is higher, or they are more ‘adventurous’ than the other. These cheaters justify themselves by their partner’s diminished interests. They are lonely, seeking attention, and looking for an ego boost. Sometimes this can be tied to a midlife crisis, or it could be that a wild, fantasy romp is all they really want.

The Fix
This form of infidelity is often caused by a lack of communication. If a partner is unhappy, it should be addressed immediately. Many couples count on love to keep each other from straying, but sometimes love isn’t enough. Show your partner you care by taking the time to understand what they need. The right response might lead to renewed romance, if the cheated-on partner can truly forgive, and if the cheater is genuinely remorseful and really wants to make things work.

5. Because I’m Avoiding Intimacy
This is often one of the biggest shocks among couples, reason being that most people think an affair is born out of lack of intimacy, rather than the means to avoid it. Studies have shown that partners who exhibit an unhealthy phobia for intimacy are more prone to cheating, so they can avoid becoming too close to their chosen partner. In this case, it has nothing to do with their partner, and everything to do with their fear of commitment.

The Fix
This person requires relationship counseling. There is nothing you can do if they don’t want to help themselves. They need to learn how to be comfortable with intimacy and love, which are the core, fundamental building blocks of any relationship.

6. Because I was Intoxicated
This excuse is in reference to the cheater not being within their right mind during the time of the crime, so it’s really not their fault.

The Fix
Tell it to the judge … the divorce court judge. Seriously, get this person some help, but be ready to walk if this becomes a regular thing. It’s far more likely that they used the alcohol as a means to justify behavior they had already planned to pursue, than that they were too blitzed to be aware of what was happening.

     It could be 5, 10, 15, 20 or  over 25 years age difference between lovers and how can we say it’s still acceptable or considered too great? We like to assign a number to just about every important   stage in life. We should marry at age 25 to 27 (according to various polls), have kids before age 35 (scientific research suggests), and retire with more than a million dollars in the bank by the time we’re 60.

With this in mind, it’s only natural to approach relationships with the same sort of calculated reasoning. There are a number of formulas used to base whether or not a couple is within reasonable age parameters, but one of the more popular is the ‘half your own age plus seven rule.’ What you do is take half the older partner’s age, add seven years onto that total, and if the younger partner’s current age is below the resulting number, you are ‘pushing the limits’ of socially acceptable age disparity. (Of course, even these calculations have a built-in flaw if the elder party is working their way up towards 50.)

Still, what most experts advise is that you shouldn’t allow your love life to hang in the balance of one number. With that said, there are a few important considerations to take into account when deciding if someone’s advanced age is going to be a problem. First and foremost is your current stage in life as compared to theirs.

Life Stages
For instance, a man, age 35, dating a woman, age 26, by most standards should be a good match. However, take that same man, throw in three marriages, six children, a vasectomy, and a bustling career, and he may not be such a good choice. Now, consider a healthy 40-year-old late-bloomer who has recently changed jobs, never been married, and is looking to settle down and build a life with someone. In these two scenarios, the 40-year-old might be the more compatible choice, despite the greater age difference.

Another way to look at it is that a 26-year-old woman, who has never been married and is just beginning her career, has many things to look forward to … such as her wedding, her first home, her first child, etc. By choosing a man who has already ‘been there and done that,’ she is cheating herself out of sharing these ‘discoveries’ with someone who is just as new to them.

On the flip side, one of the biggest reasons a young woman might find an older man attractive is his accelerated status in life. He is mature, knows who he is, has security (money, home, etc), and is ‘settled.’ To the woman, who has only begun her accent, this may be her chance to bypass some of the more struggling discoveries (supporting a fiance until he completes an advanced degree, obsessing over her own career track, or financing a first home) and become vicariously ‘settled’ through her partner’s accomplishments.

Aging, Social Pressures, and Jealousy
The aging process is always brought up when discussing age-gap relationships because, in general, older people need more medical care, are less active, slow down sexually and have different interests. However, these factors should be considered on a case-by-case basis. Social pressures should also be taken into consideration with the same open mind — quite frankly, our family and peers may mean well, but you have the best vantage point of your life. Trust your intuitions. Discuss the realities of the years ahead before you make a commitment.

One of the biggest problems of age-gap relationships is jealousy. She may see his peers as more mature, experienced, and accomplished, while he may fear her peers’ youthful looks, stylishness, and sexual prowess. Despite these jealous tendencies, concentrate on the commonality of the relationship, rather than the difference in age. Anticipating failure in any relationship will only create failure.

If you do find an older man (or woman) who fits within your lifestyle, is compatible with your core values, offers love, chemistry, and the empathy of a true soulmate, don’t worry about future health issues or social pressures — life is just too unpredictable. Some folks travel the world over to find love and never do. If all you’ve had to do is stretch across a vast sea of numbers to find yours, consider yourself lucky.

     Have you heard a voice in your head that warns you to stay away from something bad just before it happens? How many times did it happen? It could be something as minor as cutting yourself while peeling an apple or as major as marrying the wrong person! Call it intuition, insight, a hunch or a feeling, but whatever you do, try not to ignore it.

The signals are there to alert you to avoid a certain situation, look elsewhere or take another course of action. The question isn’t whether it’s the mind or the universe that sends these red flags, but whether or not you pause, acknowledge the information and take heed.

Most of us are already adept at picking up on warning signs, but we have a tendency to ignore or push them away because they don’t seem rooted in reason or observation. They seem unscientific. But science is actually coming around to the idea of intuition. Increasingly, studies show that our intuition can lead us to make better decisions. With some fine-tuning, we can learn to pick up on messages that help to steer us away from dangerous people and situations. Following your intuition could even save your life!

Warning signals
You can experience warning signals as a sensation in the body, a feeling or as a voice saying something. Our built-in receivers include the five senses of smell, touch, sound, taste and sight, not to mention the mind, the gut and the body as a whole. Perhaps the universe sends these warnings. Or maybe it’s part of our natural psychic gifts. They could be instinctual – or even an accumulation of experiences that coalesce into what feels like instant knowledge. It could be a combination of all these forces.

Even more confusing is that sometimes the signals we receive don’t make sense… at first. While intuition is natural, so is the habit of second-guessing ourselves. You might think you’re just imagining things, being paranoid, illogical or even going a little crazy. It’s more likely you’re just doing what you’re naturally geared to do – “reading” the world around you for signs. The more you listen, the clearer the messages will become, and the better you’ll be at recognizing and heeding warning signals.

4 tips to heed your intuition…

1. Listen to your body. 

More often than not, the body tells us when something is wrong before the mind does. Many of us push away physical discomfort in an effort to be tough, but by doing this we often ignore important warning signs. If you feel pain or discomfort in your body, take note of it and think about where it might come from. The body can speak to us and tell us if we are stressed, anxious, in danger or in an unhealthy situation. If you break out in a sweat or a rash, if your skin feels creepy-crawly, if your heart starts beating faster, you might be in danger. If you always get a headache or an allergy after seeing a certain someone, think about why. You might not be allergic to dust so much as a particular person who you shouldn’t be around.

2. Listen to your gut. 

You might find this surprising, but the gut has more nerve cells than the spinal cord! The gut contains neurotransmitters that influence both our emotional and psychological well-being. A good exercise is to simply check in with your gut once a day. Sit or stand in stillness, close your eyes and just tune into the feelings there. We can learn to pay greater attention to the messages our body sends us by paying closer attention to our gut feelings.

3. Listen to the little voice in your head.

 After something bad or unpleasant occurs, you might find yourself thinking, “I knew that was going to happen” because you heard a voice in your head that told you so. The next time you hear that voice, try to stop what you are doing just as if you were pressing a pause button. Simply by pausing, you can avoid many potential accidents.

4. Listen to the psychic sensation.

 Whether it’s not getting on a plane or being sure to buckle up, it’s important to follow through on any strong psychic feelings that come your way. For instance, if you have a strong feeling that you shouldn’t be in a particular place or around a particular person, listen to that warning. Each of us has natural psychic abilities that can work as powerful indicators to warn us away from dangerous situations or people.

Remember, no harm can come from pausing long enough to take note of a warning sign. By tuning into and heeding the warning signals that come from your body, your gut, the little voice in your head and your psychic self, you can avoid setbacks and live each day more harmoniously.

         Flirting isn’t just having a little fun: it is a universal and essential aspect of human interaction. I mean, if we didn’t initiate contact, we, the human race, would become instinct.

Not only can an exchange of admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted witty banter brighten your day, it can raise your self-esteem and strengthen social bonds, according to the Social Issues Research Centre (SIRC). However, you want to get it right. Sending the right signals is of the essence, especially when you consider that 60 percent of communication is nonverbal. (Only ten percent of communication comes from the actual words themselves. The other 30 comes from how we say the words).

The key to flirting is self-esteem. Confidence serves as a magical charm that makes that handsome man you always see in the elevator want to get to know you! So know your worth! Also, keep in mind that flirting is not an ability to show off and impress, but the knack of conveying that you like someone. If your ‘target’ knows that you find him interesting and attractive, he will be more inclined to like you.

And yet like every other human activity, flirting is governed by a complex set of unwritten laws of etiquette. So, here are effective ways to send him the right signals:

Eye Contact
Your eyes are your prime weapon; they transmit high-powered social signals, states SIRC’s guide to flirting. Subtle and fleeting glances across a bar or coffee shop are definitely a way to catch the object of your desire, adds April Masini, “the new millennium’s Dear Abby” and author of Date Out Of Your League. When your eyes meet hers, gentlemen, give her a slight nod and a little smile… just enough to let her know you’re game.

Proximity
Pay attention to his use of distance. This will tell you a lot about his feelings toward you. Hopefully he will respect your personal space but still show signs that he wants to infiltrate. Meanwhile, if you lean in a lot when he is speaking to you, that’s a pretty big clue that you want him to get closer, says Masini. I say let him get a whiff of how delish you smell and what a confident catch you are.

Attention Boys! No matter where, when, or how — even if it seems accidental — if a woman touches you, she’s sent you a very strong signal she’s interested.

Primping and Preening
“When we women are attracted and feel nervous we primp. We fluff, we play, we tweak, we pull, all in an attempt to steady our nerves and draw his attention,” says Masini. Does it work? Hell yeah! Twirling your hair, for instance, is a definite sign that you’re into him. Don’t worry, chances are you’ll do it naturally without even realizing it. It also shows him that you’re a bit nervous around him, which is a good thing. Pay attention. Is he doing it too?

Smiling and laughing
Flashing your pearly whites is a sure fire sign that you’re digging him. Consider it a bonus if your conversation generates lots of bubbly giggles and genuine laughter. Unlike a broad smile, a sensual one cannot be mistaken. Eyes narrow and your mouth slightly opens, exposing only some of your teeth. No doubt your sly smile shows romantic or sexual interest.

Posture and Gestures
Read his body languge before you proceed. If only his head is turned towards you, with the rest of the body oriented in another direction, this is a sign that you do not have his full attention. Leaning backwards and supporting the head on one hand are signs of boredom. Yawn. ‘Closed’ postures with arms folded and legs tightly crossed indicate disagreement or dislike.

If you do have his full attention, show him that you too are interested and attentive. Orient all of your body towards him. This is called an ‘open’ posture.

And guys, when a woman stands up straight, so should you. This movement, albeit subtle, is one of the single most reliable gestures of interest, adds Masini. “In fact, it’s almost an instinctive movement — one that she probably doesn’t even know she’s doing. But you will.”

The Straw Suck And/Or Lip Lick
Ok. This is a pretty obvious one. Sucking your straw or licking your lips other than to get a piece of food off is about as direct and blatant as it gets, says Masini. “You’re interested. And you’re telling him that you probably want him in your mouth instead of that silly straw.”

When a woman gives you three or more positive non-verbal messages, it’s time to close the deal and get “the message.” So go for it!

According to research, not much has changed over the eons. Males still tend towards an over-optimistic interpretation of female signals, and females still adjust their signals to encourage only selected males. And so as the SIRC site observes “basic flirting instincts persist, and the human species survives!”

          When you were younger, you certainly knew when it was time you’d find and marry the man of your dreams. But reality has gotten a little murkier since then. People fall in and out of love all the time, and being head over heels one day doesn’t have to mean you’ll be filing joint taxes any time soon. So when are you supposed to start listening for wedding bells? You’ve found someone who makes you happy, and your feelings didn’t fizzle when the butterflies wore off, but you know there’s more to it than that. How do you know when to take your relationship in stride, and when to take it to the aisle? Here are ten clues you might be ready.

Over the singles scene
You remember dating. You remember flirting. And it was mostly a good time. But now, the concept of putting on something cute and turning heads at the club doesn’t sound hot. It sounds sweaty and exhausting. Why would you want to? You know no one on the floor can compare to what you’ve already found.

Daydreaming
Scenes of a future together – shared bank accounts, kids and pets, mornings sharing the paper – aren’t so terrifying anymore; they’re actually kind of nice. You even daydream about growing old together. When you walk past an elderly couple holding hands, you’re not even tempted to smirk. In fact you feel…could that be envy?

Looking for long-term potential
You can’t understand why your friends hook up with people they’d never work out with in the long term. When you were seventeen it may have been okay to go out with a guy who’s only in town for the summer or with someone who wants a family when you don’t, but you’re not a kid anymore. It seems pointless to be in a relationship without at least the possibility of a future, and it’s become a must that you and your partner agree on the big issues.

love fever
There comes a point in a woman’s life when her hormones tell her that she’ll never be complete without a bundle of joy. When you not only want to take home every baby you see, but you fantasize about raising one of your own with your special someone, you might be ready to share nursery duty sometime soon.

Playing house
When you consider both of your tastes and your mutual habits when you choose an apartment, arrange furniture and make style choices, you’re planning for a home and a life together. It’s called nesting, and it can occur with couples who cohabitate as well as in those who simply spend a lot of time together. Either way, if you start co-owning stereo equipment or picking out drapes together, you’re practicing for a future for two.

Making them a factor
You consider your significant other when making important decisions, especially those that have long-term impact. You want their input on your new neighborhood, wonder how they’ll fit into a different work schedule or career, and you wouldn’t consider planning a distant trip with friends without talking to him first, even if that trip is planned a year in advance.

The term “WE”
In conversation, the two of you have grown comfortable entrusting your identities to a single pronoun. The concept of an “I” is rarely used, as your plans, tastes and actions are so often aligned. You don’t even blink anymore when your names appear together on wedding invitations and emails, and you’ve become accustomed to the way your friends string your names together in conversation.

Apart together
The idea of separate vacations doesn’t appeal to you. When you are apart, you’re constantly thinking about what he’s missing or what he would say, do, prefer or decide. And when you’re reunited, you start thinking of ways to make sure you stay that way.

Bridal curiosity
There used to be a lot of silly girls in dresses lining the shelves at the newsstand. Lately, you find yourself curious about what’s inside all those bridal magazines – and not in a starry-eyed little girl sort of way. Funny thing is, it’s not the wedding that’s so exciting so much as what comes after.

You just know
Sometimes it doesn’t take a lot of clues to know it’s time. When you don’t want to picture your life without your partner; when you realize they’re part of what makes you who you are; and you know that for all your combined flaws there’s nothing out there that compares to what you have together, the doubts you may once have had become unimportant. When taking that giant leap seems like the natural next step, you just know you’re ready.

          You feel it… the time has come where you’ve reached a crossroads in your long-term relationship. You’re not blinded anymore and you have concerns – is he (or she) the right one, or is it time to say goodbye?

It’s a difficult question and faced with it, you’re probably struggling to find the right answer. You love this person, the way you feel in their embrace is familiar. And yet something just doesn’t feel right. Secretly you may even be planning a way out.

You know the The Clash song (Darling you gotta let me know/Should I stay or should I go?), and there may be many reasons it’s playing in your head. Let’s start at the top of the list: Abuse, violence or the discovery of an affair. In any situation where you’re compromised on this clear cut of a level, it’s almost always a given – you should go. On the other hand, your problem could be less obvious. Perhaps what started as a fling is now something much deeper and you have to re-assess how you got here. Or maybe you’re considering leaving because your lover is putting pressure on you. Perhaps the two of you fight like wild warriors and you feel that this is not the connection your spirit dreamed of. The scenarios are endless.

Whatever your situation, here are some tips to help make up your mind:

1. Find someone to talk to
Friends and family are likely to be biased. You need to clear your mind, so choose someone who is trained to help you take a long hard look at life and your relationship. Ideally, pick someone who has been in a long-term relationship themselves. You wouldn’t go to a gambler for financial advice, same applies here. Also, consider – if you were counseling someone dear to you and your life was theirs what would you recommend?

2. Look inward
In your heart, you know what the right answer is. “People underestimate the power of their intuition,” says relationship expert Janice Hoffman who has worked with John Gray (of Mars and Venus fame) since ’96. “When it’s time to leave, there will be no doubts, you’ll know it,” adds Hoffman who is also the author of the soon-to-be released, Relationship Rules: 12 How-To’s For Him & Her. Acting on that belief is what is difficult; people keep stalling hoping things will change or work themselves out.

3. Assess the situation in practical terms
Consider leaving if you can’t go two days without arguing. Your mate may be wonderful in many ways, but constant conflict is not healthy. Along the same lines, does your partner support or sap you. Are you investing more time in your pain or in pleasure? And how do you feel around them?

4. Pay attention to your body
It’s time to say Sayonara if you have physical symptoms of stress when you are around your significant other, believes Debbie Mandel, relationship specialist and author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul. Remember, the body doesn’t lie! “Where you feel your discomfort signals the spiritual component of what is wrong,” says Mandel. For instance, I knew a woman who slept better when her lover wasn’t beside her. In the end, she didn’t feel “safe” enough around him to completely let go.

5. Identify your partner’s behavior patterns
From the get-go, a partner will treat you as though you either ‘good enough for now’ or marriage potential. How serious is your lover? Are they in it for the long haul or are you simply wasting your time, wishing they would change? Look at the facts. For example, does your lover only see you during the week or does he want to spend the weekend with you as well? Does she speak about the future? Take an honest look at the relationship.

6. Notice your disposition
Another tell tale sign that it’s time to vamoose is if you easily get irritated around your mate, adds relationship specialist Debbie Mandel. What you used to admire now drives you crazy. You used to find it sweet when he called you ‘baby doll’ and now it makes you cringe. Or her frequent phone calls that were once upon a time endearing, have now turned into neediness. With that said, you need enough room to grow. You are not clones and therefore you need independent breathing room to expand your identity and remain in touch with your ever changing spirit.

7. Go back to basics
Finally, some would argue that your answer lies in your question. If you are asking if you need to part ways, you should go!